#246 | Your Sex Life Revived with "Sexpert" Susan Bratton

Susan Bratton is an intimacy expert and champion advocate for all who desire their most fulfilling and passionate intimate relationships. She joins us today to discuss how mothers can have a thriving sex life after having a baby and far beyond menopause. If you are someone who doesn't orgasm easily, or who feels guilty for not wanting more sex, or if you just want to learn more about what your body is capable of, this episode is for you! She details the anatomy of the yoni (the tantric word to describe the entire urogenital system--because its not just about the vagina or even the clitoris!) and gives us specific ways in which our partners can worship our female parts, giving us orgasms far beyond what we may believe is possible. We recommend grabbing your partner, maybe a glass of wine, and listening all-in for this juicy and inspiring episode that might just transform your sex life for the rest of your life.

Bonus: Today's episode includes visuals, and is available in full video format to anyone who is a Tier I (or higher) member in our Patreon community. Join us now!
Susan Bratton's Intimacy Coaching

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Transcript

Susan Bratton 
If you've never had 15 or 20 minutes of undivided pleasuring focused attention on your genital engagement, you may have never gotten it completely and gorged ever in your life. And you've been having penetrative sex, because your husband goes blank, and he's ready to go. And so he's been penetrating you pretty much your whole marriage. Before you could feel your complete, vulnerable, erectile pleasure. And here's what's important about why you want to be in Gordon, I'm going to tell you how to train your husband to do this, you're at a crux in your relationship with your partner, or you have an opportunity for a restart. And this is the restart that will serve you for the rest of your life. So listen to me.

I'm Cynthia Overgard, owner of HypnoBirthing of Connecticut, childbirth advocate and postpartum support specialist. And I'm Trisha Ludwig, certified nurse midwife and international board certified lactation consultant. And this is the Down To Birth Podcast. Childbirth is something we're made to do. But how do we have our safest and most satisfying experience in today's medical culture? Let's dispel the myths and get down to birth.

Susan Bratton 
My name is Susan Bratton. I'm a mother of a 26 year old. I've been married for 30 years. I believe that I have a good understanding of what you've what you're going through because I've been through it. And I want to let you know that I'm happy to be here on the show today, holding you in my heart. And my plan is to give you some hope, some ideas and some mind set changes I want to have you look at some things in some new ways that are going to empower you to have an intimate, passionate marriage or relationship with your significant other that fuels you that makes you feel good about yourself that gives you vitality instead of sucks your vitality. And so it is my pleasure to be here. My title is intimacy expert to millions. And I'm 62 years old and I have some good perspectives for you to day. So hang on for the ride. 

Cynthia Overgard 
No pun intended. Do you call yourself a sexpert?

Susan Bratton 
I do yeah, what I've done my whole life. Well for the last two decades, my second career is try to help people transform having sex into making love. I've written passionate love making techniques and bedroom communication skills and helped people with intimate wellness which includes everything from how do I heal up on a Peasy autumn II scar to I've lost my lubrication to I'm struggling to orgasm to I'm not turned on at all and I feel super guilty about it too. I'm peeing my pants before I can get to the bathroom. I'm fat. I'm ugly. I don't want anything people leave me alone. All that stuff. My husband is badgering me for sex. I feel super guilty. What do I do? Some things like that.

Trisha Ludwig 
I think you just hit the nail on the head with every new postpartum mother that ever existed. Yes. So your

Cynthia Overgard 
laughter indicates there are solutions to

Trisha Ludwig 
these things? Right?

Cynthia Overgard 
It starts here, the good news for us.

Trisha Ludwig 
I mean, women go into pre baby. You know, sex lives are phenomenal, like dating early marriage, pre children, everybody's crazy about each other. They can't keep their hands off each other. Then you get pregnant, you give birth. And you have this new baby. And it's pretty dramatically different. And not just for six weeks. Yeah. You know, we all sort of think Oh, after six weeks, sex drive is going to come back. I'm going to feel great. And we're going to feel all connected with my partner again. But all those things that you just mentioned. persist. Yes.

Susan Bratton 
Yeah, it's interesting too, though, even this whole six weeks thing like that was an arbitrary number. Like some dude told us that we could have sex after six weeks, and now we feel completely pressured. You know, like, it's crazy how much pressure we put on ourselves as women. And we have a pillowy belly and our boobs are I used to joke that when I was breastfeeding, that my boobs looked like weasels and tube socks, they were like hanging straight down, you know, they just were like, walk. And you're, you've got all that prolactin, you're all like loose and nothing's working right? Dry,

Trisha Ludwig 
you're dry

Cynthia Overgard 
and you're tired, you're so tired, you're exhausted. That's, to me, one of the biggest impediments, you're so tired, you're borderline insane. Like that you're like, This is why it's a torture tactic. You know, according to the Geneva Convention, this is a real legit torture tactic. And just wondering, oh, like, did I brush my teeth when I woke up today? And when am I getting my next shower in? Sex feels really freaking low on the totem pole, like in the hierarchy of things that we need to do to take care of ourselves. Yeah. So I wonder

Susan Bratton 
like with a six week old baby, and you're supposed to start having sex with your partner, again, I want

Cynthia Overgard 
to even say six months, six months, a year, women are still feeling guilty. Sometimes we have a mom and my postpartum group who confesses that still not having sex, and everyone is like, Oh, thank God, we're not the only ones not having sex months and months and months out. So I would Yeah, go ahead.

Susan Bratton 
Women say I literally have no libido. And I'm like, I know baby, I know, baby, it's okay, that everything's gonna be okay. Here's what here's what I look at, I think about this time, because you have to think about if you're with a male body partner, which the majority of people are, and if you're not, everything I'm about to stay, say still pretty much applies to you. So I'm going to go with the general large part of the bell curve, which is, I'm in a long term relationship with a man, you know, who has a penis, and he's horny every day. And there are a number of things that I want to say about it. Number one, this is the time for you to create a new, like a new way of thinking about sex in your relationship, you have a restart opportunity. And I want to make some recommendations about it. I like to call I honestly I call it on shows where it's pretty much only women who listen, I call it the husband training program or the boyfriend training program. But basically, it's you used to have sex this old way. And I want you to start having sex in an entirely new way at in ways that probably have not happened in the your sex life up to now. So we're going to start a new chapter in your sexual journey, that hopefully your sexual journey will last your whole lifetime. Because people who have good intimacy, into their later years live longer, look younger, feel better, and are happier. So there are going to be these moments in your life where you have to fight for your own sexuality. One of them might have been in your younger years when you had sex, and it was not satisfying because honestly, in your 20s, it's the blind leading the blind, you guys don't even know what you're doing. We don't know what you're doing. It could have been in, okay, four months or four years after you were married to your partner, when you were like, wow, I really have to kind of like, screw myself up to get interested in having sex with my partner because he really wants it. And I just have to do it. Because it's my job. And you probably have hit that sometime in your relationship. And now you're in this postpartum where you're like, I don't know whether this is your first or your fifth child. But you've got this whole new thing facing you, which is now I'm juggling even more humanity in my life. And yet my husband still just as Horning. And even if he doesn't pressure you, badger you beg you bargain with you try and do things for you. So you'll have the energy to have sex even if he's not doing that. And he's just stuffing it. You likely have this deep seated guilt in the pit of your stomach that you're doing something wrong, that you're not giving him what he needs. And you're being a quote unquote bad wife, you know, and this is what happens with women. We take it we take things on ourselves, like if you've never had an orgasm from intercourse yet. And I always say yet, because all orgasms are learned skills. If you've been the kind of woman who has been like, well, I'll just have intercourse with him because I love to be close and I know how much he loves it and it's nice For me to be close to him, even if I don't orgasm, and maybe I'll get that from oral pleasuring, or I'll get that from using a toy. And I'll, you know, it's okay. I love him, I know, this is what we do, you and then he's like, Well, I guess you can't orgasm. But you know, I still want to have intercourse. And so we'll just cope with that and keep going. And there's just so much around all of those things that lead you further away from your desire to keep going. All of our body image issues, in addition to all the exhaustion and all the other stuff that we're dealing with in a postpartum world, we women also have these incredible body image issues. And so what I want to do is, first thing I want to do is I want to explain the differences between your female anatomy and your desire libido and arousal. Profile, like how the female body operates, and how your male partner's body operates, and why you're different, where the disconnect comes in. And then you got to get in his world, but he needs to understand your world, you think you're broken, because you think you're supposed to act like your husband, you think your sex drive is supposed to be like his because we've been living in every image we ever see is driven by patriarchal and honestly, religious underpinnings that have held us back and not given us the kind of intimacy and pleasure that female bodies need. We didn't know. So we thought we were broken, because we don't have the same response as our husbands or partners. And we've taken that on as our own. And then they've just assumed that's how it is. And so you've been kind of like, under this idea that there's something wrong with you. And there's nothing wrong with you. And now when I give you that level set, and I tell you what it's like and what we're all actually going through what we really need, you can begin at this new leaf, this new chapter in your sex life starting today, to teach your husband, what it's like in your body, what you need. And trust me, nine times out of 10, that man is dying to know what it will take to give you incredible pleasure. He wants to serve you, he wants to do a good job, he wants to be a winner, your needs do come first to him, he literally doesn't know what to do, and you've got a talent. Because everything he looks up, he sees a couple just falls into bed, he rips her pants off, she still has a bra on and he penetrates her, which is like the opposite of what we need at this point. So I think what would be most helpful for me is to give you the husband training program, so that you can start the new chapter of your life, you can understand how to get what you need, and how he can give that to you so that you want to make dates for sex with him? And what is sex? And how we can broaden the idea of what sex is. So that it becomes the kind of sex that our female bodies need want crave and ask for. So I'm going to start out with some basic anatomy. Do you post any videos or having a YouTube version of this show?

Cynthia Overgard 
We could we are recording video right now we potentially could well, what

Susan Bratton 
I'll do is I'll show a hold up a couple of pictures. And you might be able to just take screenshots and post them or something like that. Because that way at least women will be able to visualize what the parts are that I'm talking about. So where would your your listener go? What's your website domain where they would go to see this? It

Cynthia Overgard 
would probably be on our Patreon page, which is the only place we show video of our content. Perfect.

Susan Bratton 
Alright, this will go on your Patreon. Okay, okay, good, super great. All right. So what I'm doing first is I'm going to hold up a picture of the vulva. There's the vulva, and then the inside is the vagina. And I'm going to show you the vulva. I'm going to show you the vagina and I'm going to show you your erectile tissue. So you have in the vulva, you've got the moms across the top of the fatty pad of tissue that the pubic hair is up at the top and then down the sides where the pubic hair is. Underneath there is your outer labia, your labia majora. And that your clitoris is actually underneath those fat pads too. And then there's the clitoral hood and then the clitoral tip and shaft are underneath the hood. The hood is actually part of the inner labia structure and the inner labia come down and meet at the bottom and the four shot and the labia themselves. If you think about them like a little door, you open the inner labia that internal areas called the vestibule. Inside the vestibule is where your urine exits that's the urethral exit and that's the vaginal sphincter the introit l sphincter which is a little round muscle that opens and closes the vaginal opening. And that's the whole outside. But now I'm going to peel away the skin. And I'm going to show you the three erectile tissues of the vulva. This is the three erectile tissues. And here, this is my main point of the podcast. And that is that we have as much erectile tissue in our vulva as our husband does in his penis. And if I hold up, Hang on, I've got one here. If I hold up a banana, and if you're just listening to the podcast, you can imagine a banana. How this is your husband's penis, half of it sticks out of his body, but half of that banana goes in and down toward his testicles. And all of the fruit of this banana is erectile tissue, three tissue chambers that fill with blood when he gets an erection. So double the size of your guy's penis. Now imagine that twice as big. All that's inside it is this spongy pleasure tissue. Now, I'm going back to the picture of what the clitoral urethral and perineal structures look like. These are your three erectile tissues, chambers, there's the clitoral tip or glands, the shaft the two arms called crura, the two legs called vestibular bulbs that those are located underneath the pubic hair on each side of the outer labia, the urethral sponge which people call a G Spot, it's not a spot. It's a long noodle, like a pool noodle, a tube of erectile tissue. That's a sheath around the urethral Canal where your urine and your female ejaculate exit. And that's the second spongy tissue. And the third one is under the vaginal opening called the perineal. sponge, and it's between the bottom of the vagina and the rectum. And now what I've basically described is that our entire vaginal area is completely wrapped in the same amount of erectile tissue that's in the shaft of our husband's penis.

Cynthia Overgard 
But, but somehow the penis gets all the credit, it's all

Susan Bratton 
the credit. The thing is that his is a straight shot, he's got something called fast acting hemodynamics. So he gets an erection really quickly. And it just blink is almost like a miracle how fast and erection goes. Our little nooks and crannies are like an English muffin, and the blood has to seep into all of it to expand. And it takes about 15 to 30 minutes, depending on how frequently we're getting it expanded, expands faster if you have frequent pleasuring, and it expands less quickly. If you've had intermittent pleasuring. And if you've never had 15 or 20 minutes of undivided pleasuring focused attention on your genital engagement. You may have never gotten it completely and gorged ever in your life. And you've been having penetrative sex, because your husband goes blank, and he's ready to go. And so he's been penetrating you pretty much your whole marriage. Before you could feel your complete vocal, erectile pleasure. And here's what's important about why you want to be in gourgeon, I'm going to tell you how to train your husband to do this. And this is going to be what he's going to do to get back inside you. And it's going to change your sex life so that the next chapter of your sex life is going to be like the best sex you've ever had. So but you're going to not You're not going to have to have it till you're really ready and begging him for it. So basically, you've got all these nooks and crannies, and they're the way you were born. So you've heard you guys have heard that your brain is your biggest sex organ, right? Yeah. I mean, that's like a that's coming. But why? Why is it our biggest sex organ? Well, it's because it's actually the one doing the processing that tells us that that touch or stimulation is pleasurable. And when we are flaccid, and we're not in gorged, and we're just making our vagina available to our husband to basically masturbate inside. Because we're not really turned on and we're not having great orgasms from it. We don't get that full, clumpy, pillowy, Vogel expansion, and so the tissue is small and shriveled and not a racked. And so it's a small surface area that's not getting a lot of stimulation. So it's not sending a lot of signals to the brain. If I get the blood to rush into Do it and fill it up. And I'm gonna tell you how, don't worry, I'm not going to leave you in the lurch. I'm not going to tell you what it is, but not how to do it. I'm going to tell you how to do it. When you don't get the blood in there, and it's small, it can't send very many signals. When you give yourself the time. And you're like, I don't have any time. Yes, you do. You have time for this, this is critical, you're at a crux in your relationship with your partner, or you have an opportunity for a restart. And this is the restart that will serve you for the rest of your life. So listen to me, you get enough expansion of that tissue, and then everything that gets touched since these massive pleasure signals to your brain. I teach orgasmic activation, and orgasmic cross training, and the 20 kinds of orgasms that your body can have. And they are all learned skills. If you're having any orgasms right now. You learned how to do it. And you can learn all the rest over the rest of your life. You've got plenty of time, no pressure here, I'm just telling you, I'm giving you the map to the territory. You can take a very slow journey there's no pressure. The first thing I want you to work on, is having time to get this healing blood flow into your Yoni and I'm going to use the word Yoni now, because Yoni is the tantric lovemaking word for the entire female uro genital system, I want you to stop thinking about sex as intercourse today, from going forward. And I want you to stop thinking about your vagina as being the thing that is sex, that that is what sex means is I am penetrated by a penis in my vagina. It is so much more than that, and what we can get to that. But those are two things, I want you to know three things. One, you need to get more engagement to organ orgasms are learned and you can do them three, sex is much more than just penetration. That's not what we're talking about here. For that, you have to allow yourself the time on the female body schedule, to get the engagement that you deserve, so that you're going to want to keep having sex for the rest of your life with your partner. So the next thing I want to tell you about is the vagina. Because I'm piecing some things together, I'm holding up a little balloon, the kind of balloon that you would make a water balloon out of it's got a little, a little neck, and it's a little round and and it's got right where you blow it up is the little the little sphincter muscle that is your vagina. And this is what a vagina looks like. It looks like a flat, empty, no air in it balloon with a little depression at the top where the cervix comes down and kind of pokes into the cave. It looks like a cave, not a sheath. It's not an inside out penis, it has a bulbous cave in the back and a little crookneck a little neck. And when you are low in certain hormones, like if you have estrogen drops after you know in postpartum, it gets sensitive because the estrogen keeps tissue thick, and the tissue holds moisture from blood flow. So when you're dry, it's that you didn't get enough blood flow into your pelvis because you didn't get enough warm up. And what we call foreplay, but I don't like that word. Because it makes it goes right back to all that sex is is intercourse. And that came from religion that says sex is for procreation only. So the only thing that matters is intercourse so that when you go through menopause, you're useless anyway, and you're an old dried up Biddy, so your life is over, which is all just full malarkey. So sex keeps getting better your whole lifelong if you keep your attention on it, and you've learned some of these simple things, so you don't want a lot of air or on a beleaguered vulva. You need soft and gentle lovemaking when you return to intercourse. But you need a lot of warm up to get all of the blood plasma into your pelvic bowl to fill up not only all of that erectile tissue so that things feel good to you when you get them touched. But you also need the blood flow to flow through all of the vaginal mucosal lining to get you lubricated. So if your hat if you're dry, you need to keep working on your turn on and the way to do that is three different things. So the three different things and this is where the husband training program comes in. And that is it's his job to help you get all that blood flow and turn on, so that when he does finally penetrate you, it feels pleasurable. One of them is kissing. And that could be kissing your cheeks, your face, your neck, your eyelids, your forehead, it needs to be loving and kind and sweet and precious. And at there's got to be a lot of adoration and worship this session,

Trisha Ludwig 
I love that breasts

Susan Bratton 
I know we need to be worship. The second thing is our breasts. And the problem is that during pregnancy, you know postpartum when your breasts if you're breastfeeding. Your boobs are that kids and you really don't want your nipples played with their their their been worked to death. And so you're missing one of the elements during postpartum that you can use later to stimulate the blood flow into your genitals and to stimulate your turn on because your breasts and nipples and your mouth and throat and neck and face are as they add to your arousal they help you climb that arousal ladder. And you got you got one man down if you will, because your boobs are tired from breastfeeding most likely. Now for some women, the stimulation feels really good. But for a lot of women, they're like oh no not not Don't touch my nipples right now. They're like they need a break. So you want to spend more time getting him to really do things to your neck, your clavicle, your sternum, your pet your hair, whisper in your ears, maybe lick around your ears like that stuff will actually make you know how when you when your breasts let the milk down. You you feel like you your spit also runs like literally me talking about milk let down just made saliva

Trisha Ludwig 
it makes you salivate? Yes. And by the way, so women know it's totally normal when their husband is doing this to them that their milk actually made let down. Oh,

Susan Bratton 
yeah, exactly. Your milk will let down. And that's the that's exactly what I was going to say to Trisha because the when the milk lets down your blood rushes to your, your whole your pelvic floor. And that's going to start to lubricate, you know, lubricate your vagina and fill the blood into your erectile tissue. And so the letdown is good, that's a signal that you're relaxing. Because your arousal begins and relaxation. One thing that our husbands don't understand, they try to like spin our knobs and push our buttons to get us going. They're trying to get us turned on and they think we're like a light switch because they are, they are light switch. And they've got that fast acting hemodynamics and they don't live in our body. So they don't know about our nooks and crannies. They don't know about our letdown. They don't know about our relaxation. And so this is where you start to train them. And this is my trick. My end by the way, a foot rub, or Rahat starting with anything that hurts. If your lower back hurts. If what anything your feet hurt, ever hurts, have them rub some pain cream into those spots to get blood flowing there. Then have them hold you and let you relax for a minute and have them tell you three things they love about you. What is it they adore about you and what do they find sexy about you? You need to hear both those things. You need verbal appreciation. This is very, very normal. This is the female arousal ladder. He just doesn't know. So you have to say, Okay, I need you to hold me now. Okay, can you rub my feet? Can you rub my back? Now? Can you hold me? Can you tell me what you love about me? And pretty soon now Can you kiss my face? Can you stroke my hair from the top of my head down? Can you rub my shoulders down my arms? Can you just tickle across the top of my breastbone? Can you cut my breasts and hold them up? Take the weight off me for a minute and just hold them for me so softly? Okay, can you tell me that my belly doesn't look too gross? Yes, baby. Your belly looks fine. You look beautiful to me. I always love you. I love who you are. I love that you're this amazing mother. You look as gorgeous to me as you ever have. I want you so much. And then can you give me a Yoni massage and this is going to be your bet and I'm almost done now. This is going to thank you for staying with me. This is gonna be your big thing

Cynthia Overgard 
that you're on the edge of our seats. Are you kidding?

Susan Bratton 
Good, Cynthia,

Trisha Ludwig 
this for a second.

Susan Bratton 
Those maternity panties. This is where you're pulling them up. You're going to allow your partner or to give you an learn how he's going to be all thumbs at first. Some guys are really dexterous with their fingers are our darling mechanical guys are so good with their fingers. Some of our other guys they take time to learn how to do this. You are training him and he is going to learn how to give you a Yoni massage. He's going to learn how to get the blood flowing into your Yoni, he's going to rub the things that hurt. He's going to learn to go across the moms and down the sides and not go inside until you ask him to and you need groynes groin massage, you want him to rub your belly you want him to tickle the moms you your sweet cheeks like a little circular motion, whatever it is you owe now it feels good if you just rub across the top of my clitoral shaft over the hood. Very lightly like you're playing a violin string. Yeah, that feels good. No, don't touch my clitoris yet. But oh, I like it. When you take your fingers to put some more oil on. It's getting dry. I love it when you rub your fingers from the top of my clitoral hood. All the way down super lightly on my inside labia. Okay, now you can go inside my labia with one finger. Yep, that feels good. Yeah, pick it up. Don't go back up the opposite direction. Pick it up and start at the top and stroke down again. That feels good. Hey, could you go back to the labia and kind of need them like between your fingers, when you start to be able to give him verbal directions and know that every time he lays down with you, and you rest and relax and he puts intentional love and pleasure into your Yoni and you start telling him what you need and you start feeling what your body wants him to do. And you start communicating that to him. You're training him to learn how to touch you and bring that blood flow in and build up all that clitoral erection and he's learning your parts and you're learning your parts and you're getting a touch library. You can start to name the touches, so he knows Oh, the labia will kneading or the mons back and forth rubbing or the little finger on the inner labia or the windshield wiper over my clitoral hood. The more you understand anatomy and learn your anatomy and are able to touch into yourself and say what feels good, and give him direction and let him know he's doing a great job. You're gonna get your clitoral erection, you're gonna get lubricated, you're gonna get in gorge, you're gonna suddenly realize you love this sucker. He's actually delicious. And he's been so charming and darling, and he's been worshiping you and he's been putting his time in and being so patient with you. And yes, you actually do want him back inside. And oh my gosh, it actually feels better than it ever has. Because I've had the time that I need to really wait until I wanted him in my pleasure palace. And now it feels better. And when it starts feeling not so good, and he hasn't had an ejaculation yet. I'm gonna say I think I need to take a break. That was enough for me today. Let's try again in a day or two. And we'll get back to a baby. We'll get back to it and you're doing such a great job. Then from then on in the rest of your marriage. Every time you have sex. You can ask for a Yoni massage to get yourself going and you're going to start having orgasms or intercourse, you're going to start having orgasms from those Yoni massages, you're going to become this massively orgasmic woman who can't wait till the next date with your husband. Because you taught him how to touch you and gave yourself the time that we women need and the slowness and the adoration that we need to actually have the desire and cross that chasm chasm, close that orgasm gap that's so easy for him and so hard for us until we learn what to do.

Cynthia Overgard 
You talked earlier holding up that red balloon, that choice of color. Yeah, I

Susan Bratton 
know they're the perfect

Cynthia Overgard 
you held it up and you know that our Patreon viewers are going to be seeing all of this but you showed how it was really interesting to see that it's not of the vagina isn't penis shaped. It's not evenly narrow all the way to the back. There's this you said like a cave space. Can you explain physiologically why that is or explain what your point was in demonstrating that? Yes,

Susan Bratton 
I would. Thank you, Cynthia. So one of the vestiges of patriarchy is that vagina is is like a Roman or Greek so Like, I don't know what what the origins were, I think was Greek word for sheath.

Cynthia Overgard 
Right? Therefore, what is the sword? It's all about the sword. Right? Right.

Susan Bratton 
And that just really chaps my buttons. Because if you look at porn as well, which I don't like it's degrading to women. 96% of it according to Time Magazine shows acts of degradation toward women. And when you think about the vagina, and you think about porn, and you think about the sheath, you think about all this pumping in this hardcore there's a place for that, when you're really, really warmed up. It can be nice to have very active, JUMPY around penetrative sex. But when you're delicate, you're postpartum your hormones are wacky, you're tired, so your libido is low. Because your libido is just literally a barometer of your health and your energy level. That's when you feel better your libido comes back, you'll know you're feeling better and recovering and your libido starts to come back. The the skin inside the vagina, the vaginal mucosal lining, it doesn't want to just be are. As a matter of fact, the older we get, the more annoying that is because our tissue thins with a loss of estrogen, which means it holds less moisture, and so it can be irritating. What we want is for the penis to go inside us, and to explore the whole cave. And do it's like 360 degrees round in there almost it's like a balloon and it's flat. It's a flat cave. It's not an open cave. It's not a blown up balloon until there's something in there and you get turned on and you get blood flow and then the uterus pulls up and the vagina tends to open a little bit and becomes more accommodating. And so that's why you don't want to be penetrated deeply at first you want to get turned on and allow yourself to slowly adjust to a penis inside you and you want him to use his penis I teach a lot of orgasmic pleasuring techniques. I have a website at orgasmic intercourse.com that has my 10 Penetration techniques that I teach him and her different techniques that feel good that get you away from just the an into stroking and awakening the whole cave. Women are like can I have cervical orgasms? I'm like it's all up in there there's no like yes, there's locations Yes, you can you can cervical is one behind the cervix in front of the cervix, the G spot which is not the spot it's a sponge, you know the floor with the perineum, the sides that have the potential nerves, I mean, all of that in there wants to be activated and you become more orgasmic from intercourse, the more all of it is activated, you want to think about not stroking the vaginal mucosal lining, you want to go beyond that and touch and stroke that lining so you're actually touching the meat of your womb behind it beyond it. That's where the sensations get really good. The engagement increases and sends even more pleasure signals to your brain. So that's another thing you can begin to experiment with in this husband training program is going to orgasmic intercourse seeing a few things you'd like him to try telling him what they are and learning how to do them together. That's going to up that orgasmic intercourse pleasure, especially once your whole vagina is now wrapped in all this in gorgeous tissue from the Yoni massage, the kissing the verbal appreciation, the foot rub, etc. And you're like how am I gonna have time for all this? You can break it up into little pieces. Honey, give me a foot rub. In two hours when the baby takes a 15 minute nap. We'll do a we'll do a 15 minute Yoni massage, you know, like you can do it over time, whichever thing you want. Let's just lay down and you can hold me and kiss me and tell me you love me. Let's just do that. But now that you know what the components are, you can say oh, okay, so really what I'm going for here is relaxation, in gorgeous moment, and connection. And when I'm getting the heart connection, the loving the relaxation, everything's gonna let down I'm going to gorge things will start to feel better. And when I have time we can try some of these new techniques. But overall what it's going to do is it's going to slow him down, get him present to you. Teach him some new pleasuring skills and help you want him because you want to want him but you don't and you want to move from I want to want him and I do

Trisha Ludwig 
I think so much of what women experienced postpartum and why they don't want to have sex is because it, it really is so much in the postpartum about the man and his pleasure and just sort of getting it done. And this is a completely different process that you're describing of like, really slowing down, really taking the time to make the woman feel not just physically good. But that that intimate connection, that emotional connection, that adoration, the worship piece of it, like, oh,

Cynthia Overgard 
it reminds me of how when we get married, there's this whole in sickness and in health, and no one really wants to think about that. But the way you're describing this, there's something really Yes, a there's no question, the most arousing thing to anyone is to turn on your partner, right? I mean, and that is definitely true for men, there's like they, when they are really satisfying you in bed, nothing is more thrilling and exciting to them. So it's understandable that they would get into this. But the way you're describing it, even to go so far as to say like, oh, we have 15 minutes, let's practice now. Or stop, start with my aching feet, or I've had enough now Thank you. You're teaching men to truly take care of her during a chapter of her life where she really needs to be taken care of. And in a way that is going to result in satisfying sex. But the approach is to take care, and you're also giving women permission to receive. Because it's not easy for most women. The

Trisha Ludwig 
reason that women so often don't want to do this is because they feel like they're giving all day long, to their child, to their baby, to everybody to the family. And then their work feels like I'm just giving again to you for your pleasure. And this is like, no word completely turning the tables. And this is about you. The woman receiving which, as Cynthia said, is not always easy for us to do. And it's really hard, I think, to say what you want.

Susan Bratton 
That's why that's the thing I think that women need to know more than anything else is that Yoni massage teaches you to feel what you want and ask for it. These are fundamental building blocks to having a super hot sex life for your whole life with your partner. That when all your other friends are like a king stand look at them. And they're getting divorced. And they're trying to find better partners, when you have a perfectly good partner. But you just need these skills. Like if it's not money, it's sex for most people when they get divorced. And you do not want this, you want to build a good sex life. And that's learning skills. We can procreate without much training, but we can't build a great sex life that keeps getting better or whole life long without learning things. And so that Yoni massaging where you were learning together, beginning as beginners together, we'll put you into some new relationship energy, and it'll actually make you feel more turned on for your partner again. And it gives you the foundational communication skill on which you can build all the other bedroom communication skills, and there are quite a few of them that come after this butterflying your legs open and letting your husband look at your vulva and touch it and learning the parts which is why I went into all the parts and what they are because you need the language. You need to understand what the locations are. So you can tell him what he's touching. So you can ask for what you want. Because what you want is different every single day we are Moon women, whether we even after menopause, we still our moon cycles. What felt good yesterday isn't what we want today is and what we're going to ask for tomorrow, and our men are much more steady state, but they want to give us what we need. And so a hard one is going to be you butterflying your legs open and letting him look and get his hands there and get used to it. You're going to be embarrassed at first. But what's going to happen over time is as you begin to talk about your Yoni as you begin to name the parts and ask for things. Your personal sexual Self confidence is going to get stronger. You're going to be come a more sexually empowered woman. You're going to love your vulva. It's going to start to be so responsive. You're going to start to have better orgasms, you're going to have pleasurable sex and your sounds like it's gonna start to take off and you're gonna leave all those other girls behind that didn't listen to this show!

Thank you for joining us at the Down To Birth Show. You can reach us @downtobirthshow on Instagram or email us at Contact@DownToBirthShow.com. All of Cynthia’s classes and Trisha’s breastfeeding services are offered live online, serving women and couples everywhere. Please remember this information is made available to you for educational and informational purposes only. It is in no way a substitute for medical advice. For our full disclaimer visit downtobirthshow.com/disclaimer. Thanks for tuning in, and as always, hear everyone and listen to yourself.