#280 | August Q&A: Crossing Boundaries, Signs of Ovulation, Navigating Finances as a SAHM, Marginal Cords, Fundal Massage, "Anorexic" Pelvis, Libido

Welcome to the August Q&A episode with Cynthia and Trisha. Today, we start by discussing various experiences in which mothers feel a visceral response to a family member, friend, or provider crossing a boundary with their baby--think kissing your baby without permission. In our first question of the episode, we invite Carly Hartwig from @cleanlivingwithcarly, to explain how to understand our fertile window and ovulation through assessing your cervical mucus. Next, Cynthia provides some financial guidance in response to one mother's concern about transitioning to a SAHM and not having her own financial independence or source of income. Additionally, we discuss the risks, or lack thereof, with marginal cord insertions, uterine windows, concerns about fundal massage, the bogus term anorexic pelvis, contact naps, GBS in urine, postpartum hemorrhage, lack of libido and more! 

If you are not already a subscriber on Apple podcasts or Patreon, please join us today for the extended version of today's episode. Thank you for your wonderful questions as always, and please keep them coming at 802-438-3696 or 802-GET-DOWN.

#92 | Postpartum Mini: Rethinking Self-Care

#60 | Love + Marriage + Baby: Interview with Maggie O'Connor, LMFT

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Transcript

Hi, ladies, I am calling to ask a very embarrassing question. My mom never spoke to me about this topic growing up, I really would like to have some better understanding of the way that cervical mucus changes. Well, first of all, cervical mucus is not an embarrassing topic, and I just like to put that out there, it is a sign of a healthy menstrual cycle, and without it, none of us would be here.

So a friend of mine gave birth recently and ended up having an emergency C section because she was told that she had an anorectic pelvis, and the baby couldn't make its way through the birth to now, I've never heard of an anorexic pelvis before. It's a bogus term, it's bad practice. It's a red flag, and this woman is correct that it really was failure to progress and not anorexic pelvis.

I'm Cynthia Overgard, owner of HypnoBirthing of Connecticut, childbirth advocate and postpartum support specialist. And I'm Trisha Ludwig, certified nurse midwife and international board certified lactation consultant. And this is the Down To Birth Podcast. Childbirth is something we're made to do. But how do we have our safest and most satisfying experience in today's medical culture? Let's dispel the myths and get down to birth.

Hello, hi. It is a hot, August day, sweltering hot even in Canada, where you are. And I love it. Yesterday, my daughter told me it was too hot to swim, so that's how hot Connecticut is. That's Wow, yeah, you don't hear that a lot. I kind of know what she means. I've experienced that once or twice in my life, but it still sounds ridiculous when you hear someone else say it Okay, so you were on a big canoe trip. Yes, I was pretty unbelievable. It was, it was a great experience. It was one of the hardest things I have done in my adult life, but very rewarding. And I've done trips like that before. I haven't done them in 20 years. But it wasn't hard because I'm older. It was hard because it was just the circumstances of the conditions and the circumstances of the trip. It was just sort of like every day. There was this unusual challenge. But were you ever a downpour or a lot of rain? Yes, we had one day where we were quite wet and cold, but mostly we lucked out with the weather. We had a lot of headwinds. We had a lot of mosquitoes. The main issue was just that this trail had not been traversed by any canoeist in many years, and trails had just finished gone. So if you couldn't get around a set of rapids, there was nowhere to go except through the thick Canadian wilderness. And I'm not talking like light forest. This is like heavy duty Canadian Bush. And no one flips out during the rapids. No one falls out. Oh, yeah.

We had a couple tips. Couple people tipped their canoes. Couple people saw him to their canoes. Yeah, they just fell out right in the rapids and had to get back in. Yeah.

It's more like the canoe fills up with the water, and the canoe tips over, and then you fall out in the rapids. In the rapids, wow. At the end, I saw the video where the riverbed was dry when you guys woke up, so you couldn't even start right away. You had to carry the canoes out to the water. So, yeah, amazing one. Sometimes the river is like, rapid and huge, and then you'll just hit places where it's almost, like completely gone. It's so shallow and dry you have to drag your canoe across the rocks. It's wild.

So while you were out being awesome, I was in the comfort of my home one day, and someone started some conversation with us on Instagram that prompted me to post a question in stories in which I asked our followers to tell us about a time they felt a visceral aversion to something happening with their baby, like when every cell in your body is screaming No. Tell us about some of those instances. So this isn't a particularly fun list of things to read. I feel kind of bad seeing them and reading them, but I want parents listening to this to just know they're not the only ones who have had experiences where they just feel like a lot of guilt. Okay, so one woman wrote and said that her mother in law asked to give the baby a taste of ice cream, and she said no, and then the mother in law put the ice cream on a stick, like the ice cream popsicle thing. She put the ice cream in the baby's mouth anyway, and just started laughing and delighting in it. And the mother wrote, I regret not stopping her. That would really, really infuriate me if someone gave my baby anything other than breast milk in those early months. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, it's so personal, and parents feel so protective around food. Okay, when people passed around my baby like a potato while we were still at the hospital postpartum, all right, so that doesn't always feel great to a mother. Okay, this one says when the nurse assistant was slamming on my baby's back to get her to burp while holding her by the head. Oh, that is so disappointing. These people are supposed to understand how to work with babies. Random person told me how cute my baby was and asked to kiss her. I said no, and turned my baby away from her after she insisted and she stormed off.

Oh, oh, well, okay, oh, well, guess I'll never speak to that stranger again. My mom lifting her up by the wrists and then acting offended when I asked her not to. That's another old school thing. Have you ever seen that? Like grab? Oh, yeah, yeah. Like grabbing by the arms, really, like little rag dolls just pediatrician pulled back my son's foreskin at a wellness check, it was read for a few days again, wrong. Don't be pulling back on the foreskin. Why the heck would they do that? I don't know. Checking for what, tell me what to make sure there's a penis under there. Why are they checking under it?

Okay, well, parents are taught to pull back the foreskin, so that's not uncommon, but they shouldn't be correct. They are taught that, but erroneously, you mean they shouldn't be yes in my in my opinion, yes, erroneously, they definitely shouldn't. When my midwife took a coarse brush to my baby's cradle cap and brushed his head vigorously, I wanted to scream, ouch. Yeah, not that. Nice people freak out of cradle cap. Is there anything to get nervous about?

Not really. I mean, it can get quite intense sometimes, and you do kind of want to address it, and there's usually an underlying cause that's more the the issue like, is it related to some type of feeding issue or food sensitivity or skin reaction, but, yeah, it's not like a little bit of cradle clap is not such a big deal. You don't need to vigorously brush it away. This one says my sister's Doctor kissed her newborn on the cheek at her first visit, probably a day old. Women are less and less and less into anyone kissing their babies.

Well, hold on, it's gone way too far, yeah, whereas mothers aren't even kissing their own babies. I mean, you saw that conversation we were having on Instagram this week, yeah, where one woman was like, canceled on the internet for showing a video of her kissing her own newborn baby and your kid. All this stuff. No, no, all this stuff. People coming out and saying that, you know, a newborn can't consent, to be honest, that's insane, like insane.

It's beyond, I mean, I'm glad you brought that up, because I didn't even think to talk about that on the podcast. About that on the podcast. But I mean, so now, if you if newborn doesn't consent to being loved and kissed and held, we shouldn't be feeding them. We shouldn't be changing their diapers. Did you see the ones and be giving birth to them? That's right, they don't consent to it.

Did you see the one where, I don't think these were our followers, but they shared it with us, where women were saying, Don't change your baby's diaper without their consent. Everyone has consent turned on its everyone has consent turned on its head. Right now they're acting like 10 year olds can consent to things that they can't, and with that argument, they're now saying babies can and cannot consent to things, and it's on its on its face. You know, mothers are like, oh, gosh, I don't want to do anything against my baby's consent. Well, if we act like a baby or a young child can give consent, then they can be manipulated into giving consent on other things. And the fact of the matter is, they can't give consent as children, and it's our job to bathe them, hold them, love them, protect them, kiss them. It's like, it's part of their healthy microbiome, also a way to have their germs on their face.

What scares me is the mothers who don't have their instincts. Like, if someone ever tells a mother not to do this and then she's obeying this advice, that is like, what happened to your instinct? Why are you listening to common sense. Yeah, it's just common sense. I mean, obviously you're going to stop doing something that seems unpleasant to your baby or your toddler, but like to say that you can't kiss your baby. It's just going so far in the wrong direction. Totally. Alarming. Alarming, alarming. Yep, um, nurse. Not letting me hold or nurse my baby to comfort her during the PKU test because of, quote, because, quote, the state regulations won't allow you to hold your baby. My BS meter was going off. Yep, it should have it should.

In fact, I was always told two. Told my baby when they had the heel stick, and I always told my nurse to hold and nurse their baby when we did the heel stick. Of course, this one's infuriating. Pediatrician tugged on cord at one week appointment, and it didn't heal the way it should have still healing at 16 weeks. Tugged on the cord. I mean the umbilical cord, yeah, well enough it said at one week, so it was still there. I had my five month old and a front carrier and a cashier tousled her hair when I leaned into pay. I think people mean, well, I mean to be affectionate, and I think that the new generation is different from the previous. And I it's such a shame, because I think none of these people, I think, I think they think they're being kind and they're really upsetting women. Midwife asked for a hat for my baby. I said, no hat. She shouted, it's needed. It's not so I gave in due to exhaustion, shouted, who are these people shouting at newborn, postpartum women, moms, yeah. I mean, what stronger prayer time? Just what is with anyone yelling at anyone throwing my toddler up way too high in the air in a pool? Yeah, that would make a lot of parents uncomfortable. Yeah, absolutely. And then watching my baby receive an aggressive scrub down bath after birth, hmm, yep. All right, that was loads of fun. Okay, now I'm sweating. Got the blood pressure up. Got the blood pressure up, just what we need. All right, so we have some creative questions today, some we haven't received before. But for the first one, we have a question from Carly of clean living with Carly, that's still her handle, right? Yes, it is. Yeah, she's now a certified fertility specialist, so she's going to answer this first question, and she is standing by, so let's get her on the line. How are you guys? Hey, thanks for having me on all right, Carly, thanks for being here on short notice again. Thank you so much. I'm so glad this worked out, too. You're the best person to answer this question for sure. You did a great live stream with us on Patreon that is available for anyone to go watch. It was phenomenal, and so educational. And now we have a question that is definitely one for you to answer, so let's play it, and then afterwards you can respond. So let's grab it now.

Hi, ladies, I am calling to ask a very embarrassing question. My mom never spoke to me about this topic growing up, and I'm having a hard time researching it and finding, I guess, a way to understand this better. So I've heard you guys talk about cervical mucus, and knowing when you're ovulating in your fertility based on cervical mucus, can you give some sort of explanation about how it changes over the course of those days leading up to ovulation and on ovulation day. I know it's different for everyone, but just some kind of, I guess, way for me to understand it, one reason I'm asking is I've heard you guys say that there is a myth or a old wives tale about women conceiving boys on the day of ovulation, and girls days before, or maybe it was the other way around. I really would like to have some better understanding of the way that cervical mucus changes again. Love you guys. Thank you so much.

Well, first of all, cervical mucus is not an embarrassing topic, and I'd just like to put that out there. It is a sign of a healthy menstrual cycle, and without it, none of us would be here, because without cervical mucus, sperm literally cannot swim to meet the egg. They would not survive for the five days prior to ovulation, which, if you didn't know, cervical mucus is why we have a fertile window, and we're fertile for more than just the day that the egg is released, and the day that the egg is released is ovulation. I think there's some confusion about that out there. I think a lot of them will say, Oh, I think I'm still ovulating. You know, it's, it's in my ovulating window, and it's like, no, no. Ovulating is just an event, and it's a one day thing. So when we release an egg, it survives for 12 to 24 hours. If it's fertilized in that time, you would hopefully, you know, an implant, and you would have a positive pregnancy. And if it doesn't get fertilized in that time, it will disintegrate with your next cycle. So here's the thing. With cervical mucus, you should notice it at your vulva if you're doing external checks, which is what I recommend in a typical healthy cycle, we should see at least three to five days of fertile cervical mucus prior to ovulation, and at least one of those days should be what we call peak type mucus. And this is the mucus that I think a lot of women think about when they think about trying to it's that egg white cervical mucus, right? It's that stretchy, clear. Cervical mucus, but all pre ovulatory cervical mucus is actually fertile, including non peak. So non peak cervical mucus would be mucus that is cloudy or tacky or sticky. So it could be like the consistency of lotion. Maybe you can stretch it a little bit, but not a ton. It could be opaque or white, it can even be pink. It can be tinged with brown or even a little yellow, right? So all of this is normal. So cervical mucus is produced by your cervical crypts in response to rising estrogen levels, and estrogen is our dominant pre ovulatory hormone. So in a healthy cycle, we should see cervical mucus sometime after a period ends. So you could have cervical mucus present during your period, right? So that would typically be a sign that you're going to ovulate a little bit earlier. But I would say most women have a little bit of, like a period of dryness after their period, if they have, like, a 28 ish day cycle, so they would have a day or two of no cervical mucus after their period ends, then they would observe the presence of cervical mucus of their vulva. So either they would notice on a toilet paper, or they would feel that change in sensation as they wipe so instead of being really dry, it feels a little smooth, right? So typically, cervical mucus starts out as that non peak, that lotion kind of consistency, that opaque, cloudy color. And as estrogen levels rise, we see that transition to that peak type mucus, or that clear, stretchy mucus, or mucus that's accompanied by a really slippery sensation when you wipe. So some women don't have robust amounts of mucus, you know, so they can't, like, stretch it between their fingers, but they can feel that really slippery sensation when they wipe that in itself, is enough to denote a peak day in your cycle. Your cervical mucus will typically transition as estrogen levels rise, which happens right before ovulation. So a good sign that you are approaching ovulation is that cervical mucus transitioning. Now what I will say is, as always, bio individuality wins. Some women don't have any of that non peak mucus, so they just go straight to that really stretchy, clear mucus, that peak type mucus, so you just have to pay attention to it. But either way, we like to see at least one day of that peak type mucus, because that tells us that your body's estrogen is rising as dramatically as it needs to prior to ovulation, and then after ovulation, estrogen should plummet, and progesterone should increase dramatically, and progesterone will dry us up. So typically after ovulation, you'll see a change that's pretty drastic with your cervical mucus pattern. So you would go from having that clear, stretchy, peak type mucus to either having no mucus or to having that non peak mucus. And again, every woman's pattern is going to be a little bit different, but that's really the pattern that it should follow. So either you start with that creamy, sticky, tacky mucus and it transitions to that clear, stretchy mucus as you approach ovulation, or it's just that clear, stretchy the whole way, and then the last day that you see this peak type mucus, this stretchy, clear mucus that has a slippery sensation when you wipe. That's what we call peak day. And in all of the research, peak day the last day that you see this type of mucus correlates very, very heavily with ovulation. So just by starting to pay attention to your cervical mucus, you'll know exactly when your fertile window opens and when it closes, and that right there is the power of cervical mucus and why it's not embarrassing. It's really powerful, and it can teach you so much about where you're at in your cycle.

Wow, that was like, sounds like you rehearsed it. And this was right off the cuff. This is how good you are.

Do you feel like that answered the question. It was great. I just want to, I just wanted you to comment a little more about the fact that she feels embarrassed. And her mom never taught her this. I'm like What mother has explained to them. Most of us have been taught by her most. Most mothers who have a lot to share and say are just telling them about their periods but don't understand all this other stuff, so that the norm is to not understand any of this. You agree.

We have to change it. We have to change it. Yes, oh, my god, I can't wait. I mean, my daughter's already seen my cervical mucus. I don't know if I told you guys this story, but the one time she saw it was really stretchy. I have a lot of peek mucus. I wonder if it's breastfeeding, maybe like playing around with my estrogen levels. But either way, she saw it, and she goes, mommy, an egg, an egg.

I'm running. He knows. I said, No, no, it's not nose or egg, it's my cervical mucus. So I can't wait to teach her, because it's like, hi. I didn't know about this stuff, so I was in my 30s.

I can't wait till the first time she goes to school and says cervical mucus in the classroom, somebody's gonna have a runny nose, and she's gonna be like, wipe your cervical mucus.

I promise you. Day is coming.

I really hope so that is like my dream, but truly like we have to be the change, you guys. We have to be the change. We have to raise our children to understand their bodies. Because, my God, thank you lovely. Thank you so much for being there for us. You're welcome, guys, so much. Yeah. Bye, see you. Bye, bye.

Hi, Cynthia and Trisha. This is Sarah calling with a question I recently saw on a money Instagram, a page that said that women should have their own money, and I found that really interesting. I'm a stay at home mom, and so I don't work outside the home, so I don't bring in any income, and so I don't know how this would be achievable for women who stay at home with their little ones and don't work outside of the home. Cynthia, I know that you left your corporate job when you had your son, and you also have a background in finance, so I would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you.

So that's a fun one, huh? Yeah, great question, slightly off topic, but very important and related to all of this. So this, that's great. I love when we get varying types of questions, yep, and it affects everyone. And for those who don't know, I was a finance professor at UConn University of Connecticut for 10 years. I taught four different finance classes. I worked at MasterCard and risk management, and I also had a side business where I was a financial planner for for many households and many people. So this is and it's just also one of my hobbies and one of my passions. So first, I would just want to say this is extremely personal, and you're going to get my take on this, and you just find where you agree and where you disagree. So I know that there are many platforms and professionals out there. I think Susie Orman might be among them who say women should have their own money. I think generally speaking, that's good advice. I don't think that's how it needs to be in every single relationship, I did quit my corporate job, and my husband was the only one working in the first few years until I built my business. But in the case of our relationship, we shared our money from the time we got married. We put each other's names on all our accounts. We made each other beneficiary of our of our retirement plans, that was the right thing in our relationship. And many couples feel that way, and when that is the right thing in your relationship, then I think you can not necessarily have this anxiety around whether you have your own money necessarily. The only thing I feel quite strongly about is, I'm always a little concerned. And this does come up in my postpartum group. We've had a lot of conversations with women about how money is handled in their homes. Postpartum is, I don't think it's very good when one person in the relationship, let's say the stay at home mom is dependent on her husband when she has to ask him for money, clear money decisions with him. I think if there's a deep amount of trust and they each are independently able to make their own financial decisions without being dependent on the other, it's safe to share money. I think when one is dependent on the other and doesn't have as much power and control over money, I do think that is something to be careful about, and that's probably more likely going to be the better person to focus on having their own money. The only final point I want to make is that many women do as I did. I resigned from my job and I sat with that great discomfort of having made a good salary and then making absolutely nothing. It's very uncomfortable. But I do want to say in the case of a good relationship with mutual money values. I think most women just have to realize it's they're not in the season of earning money. And you have many years, decades ahead to build a business, to go back to work, and it's okay, as long as you guys can can meet your financial demands. The only final thing I'll say is I think in any relationship, it's important to be efficient together. I think it's important for one person to be responsible for things. So who is the bill payer? Who's responsible for investing the money and who's responsible for the taxes? I think when both people are responsible for everything, I think that's sometimes where bills don't get paid and things don't get done. So I do think it's good when one owns the responsibility and the other person is secondary with each of those things. Was that helpful at all? Do you think?

Yeah, I think that was great. I think you covered everything and explained it very well.

Yeah. I mean, it's a lot of pressure to say to a postpartum woman, you need to have your own money and say, Well, do I right now because I'm raising a child?

No, I completely agree with you. I mean, it's sure if many postpartum moms are still working and providing money, but if you don't have to, and you can not, then I think most women would choose that. Not everyone. Some wouldn't. Some do prefer to go back to work. Work, but women shouldn't feel that they must. Unfortunately, modern day life is such that many people do have to have dual working parents, and it's very hard on moms. So to add that extra pressure of just Yes, you should have your own money, because who knows what's going to happen, or you can't trust your spouse? Yeah, I'm not on board with that. Yeah,
I think that's the bigger red flag. Or if the spouse says something like, Well, I'm making the money, so I make the decisions, or that's, I think that's really disrespectful, and I think that is a red flag. And if I were married to someone like that, I would probably be all over the idea of making damn sure I had my own savings and my own money to protect myself, because I do view that as a red flag. It's just so specific to the relationship. So if I were working with a client over this, I would we would be talking about the relationship before making a decision about what has to happen. But again, assuming that things are flowing smoothly and trust isn't the factor, women do have to give themselves permission to slow down. It's the season of holding your baby, raising your baby, trying not to project into the future. You have so much time in the future, you'll have so much energy to do exactly what you want to do and to make all the money that you want to make. I think when we sit and think about it, it's really overwhelming. Yes, I hope that is helpful. Very complex topic, a very emotionally charged topic, too. Money is not just money, all the emotions too.

Hi, Cynthia and Trisha. My name is Jacqueline. I'm from Atlanta, and I have a question for you both related to CPD and pelvic size and shape during labor. So a friend of mine gave birth recently and ended up having an emergency C section because she was told that she had an anorectic pelvis and the baby couldn't make its way through the birth canal. I've never heard of an anorectic pelvis before, and I suppose the doctor was saying that she was incapable of giving birth naturally because her pelvis was too small, which made me think of CPB. So I was wondering if that's something that could have been alleviated with, like, positional changes, like maybe the baby was at the wrong angle, or if it's really possible that her pelvis was just like, too small or regularly shaped to give birth naturally. And if that's the case, how would a woman really know that that's what's happening and that she's not actually getting like a failure to progress diagnosis. Thank you so much for your response.

Please tell me you've never heard this phrase before and that this is just a made up thing. An anorexic pelvis. Was that what she said? Anorexic? Yes. How can bone How can bones be anorexic? They're already they're already bare bones. I mean, what did you ever hear that term before?

It's not totally unfamiliar to me. It's not very commonly used, though. Is it as I wasn't astonished when I heard it? Is it as nonsensical as it sounds? Obviously. I mean, it's ridiculous, right? Well, to tell any woman that her pelvis is insufficient in any matter of words is inappropriate. How, how are you determining that her pelvis is whatever you want to call it, too skinny, too small, contracted, CPD, non developed, whatever you want to use the terminology. How are you determining this in advance of labor? And even if a baby has to be born by C section because of failure to progress, which is also often categorized as CPD, you cannot say that it was pediatric valves. Was too small, but isn't the fact that the doctor used a term like anorexic pelvis, a particular red flag, like saying geriatric versus advanced maternal age. They all do it, though it's okay. They all do it. And what doctor doesn't use geriatric This is medical terminology. So to them, it sounds fine, anorexic pelvis. How does that meet the definition of anorexic? Let's see what the technical I cannot believe that's a term. They try to come up with the worst possible, most negative, most terrifying, pathological term. It's, you actually found it? Yeah, it's, it's what is on Urban Dictionary. Can't be real. I don't accept this.

It's not really a it's not a term, right? It's not really a term, no, can't be they have but now, now it's going to get out there. Now it's going to get out there and someone's going to say, You know what, I like it. And then some doctor listening is going to start using it, whatever the term is, I you know it's, I don't know it's, it's bad, but it's less important to me than the fact that we're telling women that their pelvises are too small to give birth to their baby. And she was correct at the end. She said, how? Are we to know if this just was failure to progress or true? CPD, true. CPD, Cephalo, pelvic disproportion, meaning the head baby's head size and the pelvis size are in not in proportion to each other to allow vaginal birth is very uncommon. It's very uncommon. What is more much more common is mental position that makes it difficult for the head to fit through. You know modern birth practices and modern lifestyle practices influence now position of babies and how women are not given enough time to let their babies properly rotate in position and labor so that they can fit. We do know that the pelvis can change shape. We do know that given enough time, babies heads mold to fit through whatever size pelvis the mother has. So it's a bogus term. It's bad practice. It's a red flag. And this woman is correct that it really was failure to progress and not anorexic pelvis.

Hi, Cynthia and Trisha. I am Isabella. I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant with my first I had a diagnosis of marginal cord insertion. I have a midwife through the hospital, and she says there's concerning, because the ultrasound look great. I'm in quote, measuring big, or if she is at the 93rd percent, but we're going to do another ultrasound here in a few weeks. So I just wanted to see if there's anything I should be informed about with this diagnosis, because I don't want to walk into any appointments, uneducated, and of course, the internet is only scary. I personally trust you guys with all the information that you have and are willing to share to everyone. I've listened to your all of your placenta related podcasts. I never heard any episodes specifically on marginal cord insertion. So I'm just looking for any advice, whether that's sitting a specific way, anything in general, or if this is something that is just a kind of latency as time progresses. Thank you so much for doing God's work and informing everyone on proper education. I am truly forever grateful. Thank you so very much. God bless you both. I feel like that actually come this actually comes up a lot. I don't know. I guess, because so many women are having ultrasounds, they're finding a lot more marginal cord insertions. We haven't done an episode specifically on it, but we have addressed it in multiple Q and A's, so you can have a marginal cord insertion, which sometimes means that there is also a velamentous cord insertion. A marginal insertion simply means that the cord is inserting into the placenta, rather than in the very center of the placenta is closer to the edge, it is often seen with a vellamentous insertion, meaning that the vessels are actually exposed where the Wharton jelly is not covering them, but just a marginal insertion side of the placenta. You do not need to worry. You do not need to do anything differently. There's nothing that you did to cause this. There's nothing about, I think she said something about sitting position. There's nothing that you need to do to change your position throughout pregnancy. It's not going to affect your birth, and it's just kind of one of those things that you just kind of want to pretend you don't know. When would it be a serious concern or a red flag? Well, sometimes with developmental cord insertion, if those vessels are exposed, then you have a little bit higher risk of problems in labor. And this is just random. It just, it has to do with just as the placenta attaches randomly somewhere in the uterus, so too does the cord insert itself basically randomly, like it's theoretically supposed to go right smack in the center of the placenta, but sometimes it's on the side Exactly.

Who knows why? Okay, and again, it's nothing that she did or didn't do it just as a variation, all right. And if you're joining us for the extended version of today's episode, we are going to discuss fundal massage, low blood pressure, GBS in your urine. And if you are not with us in the extended version of today's episode, which is available on Patreon and Apple subscriptions. Then we are moving on to quickies. Let's go.

The goal is quick. I remember the goal. The goal is quick, okay, can you do it?

I can do it. Can you do it? I can do it all right. Let's sit. Let's see who can do it in the fewest words. Remember if we tried that before, like five words or less. Now we're gonna make it competitive. Okay, then they're gonna be left going, no say more a sacrificed quality. All right, here we go. Quakes, how long do each of you recommend waiting in between pregnancies?

No comment, there are two words. Beat it.

You can't say. No comment, okay? My sincere response. I know this sounds like it's going to get long. My sincere response to that question is, I have no comment. I don't have any thoughts opinions. Nothing except have a baby when it feels right intuitively, that's it. Okay.

I really have nothing to say about it. No comment. What do you say? I do believe it's good to give your body some time to rest in between. I like the recommendation of, on average, a year, maybe a little longer. If you get pregnant closer together, I would not worry, but you don't wait a specific 15 months, 18 months, 20 months is not the magic number, but pregnancy is demanding on the body. Breastfeeding is demanding on the body, and it is good to give your physical, emotional and mental self a period of recovery. So I fall into the 12 to 18 month category.

Okay, what do you do when you're six month old? Will only sleep on you and nap at night naps at night time instead of during the daytime. Do I say that backwards? You can consider some gentle sleep training at this point. If it's making you crazy and you you can do it. You can keep letting your baby nap on you. That's fine. Some people are want that and love that, and that's great. But if it's bothering you, some gentle sleep training techniques are okay at this age, once they're about four months, four and a half months, you can start doing that. And it doesn't mean cry it out. Exactly that means. It basically means using the strategies to avoid cry it out. That's why it's called gentle. No one ever seems to believe that no matter how it's explained, I was told I had a uterine window and the next birth had to be a C section at 37 weeks. Is this legit?

No, why? I'm trying to be brief, I know, but you cannot sacrifice quality. And I'm curious. You have to answer me why, because you can't determine that a uterine window, which just means a thinning of the uterine wall, is going to be problematic in the next pregnancy. And you can't say that at 37 weeks, you have to have a C section, and you have another C section, you're going to be compromised in your third pregnancy. And so the answer is no, okay, will I feel nauseous at the moment of, Is this legit? The answer is, No. Will I feel nauseous at the moment? Let down when I breastfeed my next baby? I do not know. And the first couple days I did with each No, just with Alex, and then never again. There you go. So maybe not. I can't say really nauseous, really nauseous like that is people do feel that way, but because you felt it with one baby does not necessarily mean you will have it with the next baby, but it also does not mean that you won't, I don't know you could. You might not, hopefully not. How can we best support our husbands after a new baby comes into our life? This is not a quickie. I don't know how this got on the Quickie list. Episode on this? Yeah, this is an entire episode. That's the answer to this. I mean, yeah, right.

I think the best way to support your husband is the same way we would say is the best way to support you. And I think that's to set expectations of what life is like having a baby, it's like no one's needs are met. I do not mean sexual needs, by the way. I'm not trying to, like, use a euphemism here. No one's basic needs are very easily met. And really, the only way things work as smoothly as they can is when the mother sets her expectations to take care of the baby basically as much as humanly possible, around the clock nonstop, and for her partner or husband to take care of her. And that's just how it has to be, that she has to take care of the baby and he has to take care of her and to set expectations. We should probably do a Patreon event on this, like preparing for a baby. I don't know if people understand how important it is. Like they always seem to not get it until after they have their first baby, and then, yeah, that's a great problem. And also please listen to episode 60 with Maggie O'Connor. There's some great tips in there. All right, that was not quick so let's go, what is your number one tip for moms in the trenches with littles? Here we go. Another not quickie. Quickie. Number one tip, it'll pass.

That's not a tip.

Oh, that's advice.

That's not even advice. That's just, you know, some kind of moral support. I don't know, but it's not a tip.

It'll pass, okay, reassurance.

So wait, what was it like?

What is your number one tip for moms in the trenches with littles?

Community, join a support group. Join my support group. Get into a good quality support group, professionally moderated, where the focus is on Mothers and not on babies. That's the tip you need community. You need the absence of isolation. That's research based.

Go away for a night.

I'm not into the short term things as much like get a massage, get a I'm into. To like, what can you get into your routine where you have ongoing reprieve, like having your husband or partner do bath and bedtime every night, so every night you know you're getting a break at a certain time and getting community into your life. It is a lifeline, and it changes the lives of the women in the it totally changes their lives just having each other and being able to meet once a week and be real and talk.

I think that's, I think that's the best tip. Is that you need to incorporate reprieve on a regular basis instead of just a one off.

I have a mini episode on that too. I have a mini episode on that topic.

That's great. What is a hemorrhage and why does it happen? A hemorrhage, typically, there's, there's multiple reasons that a hemorrhage happens, but hemorrhage basically bleeding excessively after birth, and it's usually from the uterus. Although it can sometimes be from the cervix, it sometimes can be from the vagina, could be from the rectum. There are various other ways you can hemorrhage, but most often it's from uterine atony, the same thing we were discussing earlier on in the episode about funnel massage, when the uterus doesn't clamp down and it's Boggy and soft, those, all those blood vessels where the placenta, where it was attached, or wide open and bleeding. So contraction of the uterus, and you know, good physiologic birth of the placenta is the best way to prevent hemorrhage. Okay, my blood pressures in my first pregnancy were 130 over 90 to 140, over 90. How can I preemptively prevent high blood pressure in a future pregnancy? Well, diet has a lot to do with blood pressure, so increased protein intake. But I would also say, check your own blood pressure. Stop getting your blood pressure taken in the office, because usually high blood pressure is more of a white coat hypertension than anything else and increased protein. Is it normal to have no sex drive at three months postpartum? I don't even want to be touched. Yes, yes, very normal. And we discussed this a few weeks ago in our Patreon livestream. So check that out. Yep, you can join that anytime, and you can watch the recording. Really important topic, another thing our mothers never talked to us about was the other one, cervical mucus. This is like another thing no one ever told me. That's how all women are feeling, and they all feel too embarrassed to talk about it. As soon as one woman brings this up in my postpartum group, everyone's just like, breathes a collective sigh of relief and says, Oh my gosh, you too. Yeah, I've had one woman in my group, and I've had hundreds over the years, since 2015 I remember having one who had a really strong sex drive, and she She's literally the only woman in all these years. Everyone else is just there. They're so fatigued, and sometimes the other issues that get in the way too, that we covered in the workshop on Patreon. Important topic, it's if it's mental, it's emotional and it's physical. That's what people need to know about. Libido, absolutely multi multifaceted. There. It's not just physical, which is what most people think. I don't do you recommend baby led weaning or purees baby. Okay. Is post weaning depression a thing? Oh, yes, it is. It is. And most people don't know about it, and it doesn't happen to everyone, but there's a real let down that happens when you stop getting all those oxytocin hits every day, 10 times a day, and it does pass, but it's very, very under discussed topic. So if you, if people out there interested in sharing stories about this, please write to us and tell us, because I would love to get a few moms to share their stories about this and talk in more detail. Yeah, call 802-438-3696. Get down. If you could live, okay, and last one personal, here we go. If you could live anywhere in the world for one year, where would it be?

I think either my first gut feeling is Innsbruck, Austria, or maybe Switzerland. Those are places I felt a longing to return to, and Innsbruck just gave me this real feeling of like, Oh my gosh. What would it be like to live here? I don't know why. I just was overwhelmed with that feeling. I don't know what you're gonna say, something totally different. Of course, Hawaii, maybe that would be another option.

Wouldn't be Hawaii for me, but I definitely knew you were going to, thought you would pick a country in Europe. And for me, it's definitely going to be tropical. I'd want to do like Bali or Tahiti, or some really tropical, hot, watery, beautiful island for a whole year, yeah, yeah, yeah, after 10 days, I'd be really ready to come back, although I did, I did once live on an island for a year. I lived in the Cayman Islands between my senior year of high school and my first year of college. I did a gap year. And, well, long they weren't called gap years back then, but I just did it. And that's her way of saying she's a trendsetter everyone. I know what she's thinking showing Haven't you seen all the people wearing at their wedding?

You're I know you're just showing off that you're a trendsetter. Okay, you did the first gap year. You did the first one. Okay, go on. I did, and no one knew there was no name for it. They named it after me. Oh, and also, my son, North was born before North Kardashian. So there you go anyway. Point is, I lived on an island for a year. I got major Island fever after about six months, I was craved. Just craved, like forest and pine trees, and I, you know, I spent a lot of time in the north and like non salty water, fresh water. But I still would choose a year, probably in Bali or Tahiti.

Well, that was a that was a painless personal question, yeah, last month, it was really terrible. Sometimes they're really hard. We really have to do some serious self reflection.

All right, so that was great. Good questions, fun questions, great questions, everyone. Thank you very much. Good creative questions. Great getting thank you again to Carly for jumping in and answering the question better than we could have. And thank you to all of you for your phone calls to 802 get down. We got a lot in the voicemail list we still have to go through great. We'll keep them coming. Get creative. If you can ask me about finance, you can ask us about anything, anything at all. Try us try to submit a question we refuse to answer. Hasn't happened yet. If we get one we refuse to answer, we promise to tell you what that question is, otherwise expect us to answer.

Thank you for joining us at the Down To Birth Show. You can reach us @downtobirthshow on Instagram or email us at Contact@DownToBirthShow.com. All of Cynthia’s classes and Trisha’s breastfeeding services are offered live online, serving women and couples everywhere. Please remember this information is made available to you for educational and informational purposes only. It is in no way a substitute for medical advice. For our full disclaimer visit downtobirthshow.com/disclaimer. Thanks for tuning in, and as always, hear everyone and listen to yourself.

But I kind of just forget you know about it. It doesn't matter.

So for all the nevermind, for all the friends viewers out there, it's Moo, you don't get that joke, do you? You don't get that joke.

No, not moot.

Did you ever watch Friends? Yes, I watched friends. You don't.

Oh my gosh. It's so funny. So Joey's talking to Rachel, and he goes, whatever he says, And he goes, it's Moo. She goes, it's a moo point. He's like, Yeah, it's like, a cow's opinion. It doesn't matter. But then she goes, have I been hanging out with Joey too long? Or did that just make sense? It's so funny. It's a common like friends reference. It's Moo. You've never heard anyone say that to you. It comes from friends. If you have a B, well, a marginal chord, insertion is sort of a moo point.

It's all we wanted to know. That's all you need to know.

It's Moo.

Perfect. Do.