#333 | Emily Vondy's Encounter with God During Labor

Emily Vondy hardly needs an introduction. She's a mother of six, songwriter, and online creator @emilyvondy whose humor, reflections, and music have brought laughter and validation to millions. In this episode, she invites us into the story of her fifth birth, which came after two heartbreaking miscarriages. What began as a pregnancy marked by fear and doubt became an experience of profound peace—and what she vividly experienced as clear-as-day divine intervention.

That’s right: Emily shares the story of how she had not one but three vivid spiritual encounters with Jesus during her hardest hour of labor—on the car ride to the birthing center. The experience brought her so much peace that she became completely silent in the throes of labor, and the drive—one she had made many times in previous labors—felt to her like just five minutes. As our conversation unfolded, we talked about why it may have happened then, and why it hasn’t happened since. 

She recognizes her story will inevitably leave some incredulous, and she admits she sometimes has to remind herself how very real it was. In fact, her birth video shows her describing the encounter to her husband immediately after her baby was born. Emily also reflects on how the experience left her feeling humbled by God’s nearness—not “special” or “chosen”—but deeply comforted, grateful, and mystified.

At the end of the episode, Emily lets us into the world behind her on-screen presence, answering our listeners’ questions about past jobs, family size, support systems, and marriage—making our conversation both deeply inspiring and refreshingly honest. She speaks openly about balancing the chaos of a big family, the grounding practices that help her in moments of overwhelm, and the ways her faith, humor, and disposition keep her marriage strong. If you think you couldn't love Emily Vondy more than you already do, this episode just may prove you wrong. 

Watch this episode in full video format on YouTube.

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Transcript

I'm Cynthia Overgard, owner of HypnoBirthing of Connecticut, childbirth advocate and postpartum support specialist. And I'm Trisha Ludwig, certified nurse midwife and international board certified lactation consultant. And this is the Down To Birth Podcast. Childbirth is something we're made to do. But how do we have our safest and most satisfying experience in today's medical culture? Let's dispel the myths and get down to birth.

So I'm Emily Vondy. I am mom of six; I do social media. Well, it's kind of like a job now, but I didn't anticipate that happening, but I'm so grateful. And yeah, I love talking about birth. I have, I've had five birth center births, my last one was a home birth. Just really excited here down to birth. I'm excited to talk about it all.

We're so excited to have you, Emily, you really need no introduction. Our audience is beside themselves that you're coming on to talk about your birth. I think, right off the bat, we just have to ask you, what on earth is your background in music? Because you write these unbelievable songs, and how does this come from? And is that how you develop your following? Is that just how it all began? What's your background?

Wow. Okay, so my background in music is singing in the shower, writing songs in my journal, growing up. No background in music, like legitimate background in music, but I've always been musical, and I've always loved music, and I've always loved writing, and I kind of just threw it out on the internet one day in the peak of covid. You know, when we were all of us stay at home, moms were kind of quarantined and losing our minds. I wrote a little song about being up at 3am breastfeeding my baby, threw it on Tiktok, and it kind of, it kind of went from there. I wasn't anticipating, like, the the response, but I loved how much it resonated with other moms, and they got to connect with all these other moms. And yeah, it's been, it's been quite the roller coaster, but I'm so grateful for it.

So this growth of yours all happened just in the past few years. You've millions of followers just from the past. Just from the past few years. This is what launched all of this for you, and it just changed your life, just like that. So from, like, Yeah, from the from whatever, like, covid, like, 2020, I guess so for the last five years, I first really started posting just like, here and there. Like, kind of an outburst of inspiration, creativity, and it kind of started slowly growing, but, yeah, that's kind of how it all started. I had no plans, but I really enjoyed the I found, like, the community was so wonderful just connecting with other moms. You know, I love that. I love, like, the validation, validating other moms and being valid by them, it was just such a beautiful thing that I didn't expect from social media, and that's we. That's how it started. Yes. Long story short, well, your content is so incredibly relatable, it doesn't take long for somebody to want to follow you because you you watch one of your videos, and you're just like, Yes, oh, my God, yes, yes. Me too. It's relatable. Relatable content is so attractive and so appealing and such a great use of social media. But what's it? What is it like for you now you have six kids, and we know how demanding a social media life can be. How do you manage it? 

Oh, I still am. I like, I try to keep it with an open hand. I pray about it all the time. Like, how to how to balance it, how to be a good steward of it, how to balance it well, because, and especially since Adeline has been born, it has been really hard trying to navigate both. But I've been giving myself a lot of grace, like, knowing this is a slower season. You know, there was a time I was able to put out like, three, four videos a week, get on my stories every day. That's just not it. That's just not happening right now. But I'm okay with it, like I'm giving myself grace. It's still been like, doable, and I still get so much joy from it. It's just we're being like, intentionally slow right now so that I can my priorities are with my babies at home, you know? And six, six kids, there's a lot of it takes a lot of time and energy.

So that's 24/7, that's non stop, yeah, I tried to put my majority of my energy with yeah, here at home. So, and then, like, I'm always thankful for, like, the moments where I have an overflow of creativity energy, where I can put it out online.

That's really interesting that you say that because we need space and time to be creative, to feel fulfilled, and when you're being a full time mom, especially with six kids, but really, with any amount of kids, it's it's such a demanding job, it's so hard to find that space to be creative. So how does it just like, do you just wake up one day and feel like, today, I feel like being creative. Am I and I'm going to do this? Or do you? Are you more disciplined about it and like, have set times and and plan it out in advance of what you're going to do? Or do you just, do you just wait for those spontaneous, creative moments? I really, I really wish I was more disciplined and organized with it. Honestly, I feel like I'd probably, I'd probably be more successful if I was more, like, disciplined and organized with us all. But it really is kind of the spontaneous moments right now. But that's the beauty of like having relatable doing kind of real life, relatable content is there's, there's so much that can happen day to day in motherhood. You know? And I feel like there's always something that that's happening that I could talk about or or sing about, or even if it's not like I'm not super energetic, right? Or in the moment, I could be posting in real time about something real, something hard, that you can talk about that too. So kind of coming as I am is really the only way to do this. I feel like there's an endless supply of content as a mother. You don't need the discipline. You just need to be present as a mother, which you are. And Emily, it's I'm sure you, I'm sure you've heard this from people, but it is impossible to picture you without a smile on your face. Oh, and I think, and when you made that comment about how happily surprised you were to find how many loving, caring women are out there, even total strangers, and how positive an experience this has been for you, despite what we normally hear about social media experiences and the anonymity of social media, I really believe, because of the experience Trisha and I have had, I really believe that we attract like minded. We like our audience is very understanding of us. We're not afraid of like them, misunderstanding us or taking it's like it's somehow. I really believe that you've attracted women like you. This, this massive women like you. But I know they're all wondering, how do you do what is so naturally, if not beautiful, fulfilling, incredible, meaningful, but stressful, having children and almost always having a newborn in your arms through these years. How do you do it truly with so much cheerfulness? I don't just mean joy and gratitude, I mean cheerfulness, yeah, yeah, just your disposition. Are you just like, that's part of it. I'm sure.

I think the part of it might be my a lot of it probably is my disposition. Like talk to anyone, any of my friends, anyone that knew me growing up there, that's how they would describe me, as cheerful, you know, happy, joyful. So I definitely think that's like a gift from God that he's given me the spirit of joy. And I do really try to bring it into my my mothering, how I view mothering, my approach. Sometimes I do feel when people say things like, how are you so? Like, joyful all the time. I wish I could, you know, I wish I could be joyful like you in motherhood, and it makes them feel like, Oh, I'm not. I'm not as good of a mom, because I can't be happy all the time. I don't want to make people feel like that ever because, you know, nine times out of 10 I am how I present online. I am at my happiest, and I'm not really showing my overwhelmed breakdowns. I talk about them, but I'm not showing them in the moment, because I'm trying to get through the moment, and I'm using my tools to get through the moment, and that's not hopping on social media in the moment, you know, so, like, I definitely have that overwhelm, the the heaviness of motherhood. I've had, like, almost like, panic attacks. The overwhelm is so heavy.

It's so good of you to share that. I mean, this is going to come as such a surprise. So what, how does, how does a panic attack manifest for you? What happens in those hard Oh, so it's like, I feel like I can, like, coexist with the overwhelm or the chaos, with the endless list of to do's I'm coexisting with it, and it doesn't pile up on me and, like, take my breath away. It just can't. We're just doing it. You know, I'm, I'm very go with the flow. But then I have those moments, and I've, it's probably very much like, due to, like, where I am hormonally, I feel like I've, can kind of track the correlation of that, oh yeah, that's always a relief when my period comes, because I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm not going crazy. Okay, we're okay. We're okay. But anyways, like, I'll have these moments I don't. It's, yeah, probably part of it hormonally, probably just reality of real life, where it's all piling piling in on me at once, and it feels like so heavy, and it could be maybe a more stressful just day of mothering. It could have been like, all the things are happening. There's, it's this chaos. There's, you know, babies are running around with their diapers off. You know, there's poop on the floor. My dog just got out, and I'll have this moment where I'm like, Oh, this is, this is actually insane. I can't and I can't, like, catch my breath. I was like, I can't, I don't know what to prioritize first. And then I'm, like, scrambling. And sometimes I'll start to cry, and I'll really try to focus on my breathing. And then it feels like, oh, I can't breathe. And then, like, in those moments, I really it's so much like giving birth honestly. I'll do, like, my birthing techniques. I'll be like, I'll do that honestly, you know, just anything to try to ground me.

That's a great stress reliever. Doing, doing the horse lifts. That's like, that's super helpful to do.

I know it's so funny, like, how I found myself doing things I do in birth and intense moments, because in birth, we have no choice but to be present. And that's I think it's what you're saying. I think it's what I felt when I've experienced overwhelm, when I just look at the very next thing I have to do. I mean, I don't even look at my calendar. For the next day. I don't feel the need to look at what I have to do tomorrow. I just look at what I need to show up for today. I've found it's really the, the easiest way to live. And it almost sounds like the same thing you're saying, and I think that's the comparison to birth. Does it feel like that's what it is? Is it just is like a matter of being very present that helps you get through the hard moments? Or is there more to it? Well, yeah, I think, and using your physical, physical coping technique. So it isn't just a mental awareness of like, Oh, I'm in a stressful moment and I need to just stay present. It's also using those physical modalities, like deep breaths, breathing through your lips the way you just described, maybe shaking your body a little bit, stomping your knees, like, yeah. It really, really helps. I always do this, like, rub my hands together, and it's a release, a physical release, yes, something Yes, just trying to, like, ground myself and and and let and let the moment happen, like be present, as in the moment, because they do the moment does go and that's what I always try to remember, remind myself, is like, this is just a moment passing in time. This doesn't define you as a mother. Let it come, let it go, and then we're like, exhaling, and we're and we're moving on with a day. We're okay, you know, we're okay?

Well, that's the surrender that's required and the relinquishing of control that is also so critical in birth that when you feel that physical overwhelm, which when we are really stressed, it is actually a physical overwhelm on the body, which is why you get the symptoms of feeling panicky and then just surrendering, like, let go of control. I can't control it in this moment. If it's not an emergency, and there's something that your fight or flight, you know, has to kick in, your adrenaline has kicking. You have to do something you just kind of, yeah, relax, let it go, let it pass, and then regroup.

That's so that's so true, yes. So Emily, as you know, the reason that we were so eager to have you on the show was that you had an incredibly spiritual experience. I believe it was your fifth birth. Am I getting that right? Yes. Okay, yeah. So for your fifth birth, it was really captivating, and I saw you tell it before, and I really I'm just so glad you are coming out here today to share that story, and I can't wait to sit back and just hear more details and be able to ask you things about it. So, but we also got a bunch of questions from our community, and if we have time at the end, would you be okay if we do like a rapid fire question answer? Okay, cool. So, but why don't we? I'll try to rapidly answer to ice. I'm such a yapper, I said, so I'm trying to rapidly answer them. We have at the end of every Q and A episode we do, we have quickies. We call them quickies, our callers call in and we play their voicemails and we answer their questions in like, two to five minutes. But then at the end, we do quickies. We read them and we answer them quick and we're we notoriously can't keep them, so we got it. And don't worry, we're only trying to respect your time. Don't worry, they don't really have to be rapid fire. We're just hoping to ask as many as you have time for. But could we just, could we just, could we hear about that birth experience? Maybe bring us up to where you were in that fifth pregnancy? Do you want to just give us a little background and then bring us to that experience you had? Yeah, so yes, is my fifth, fifth pregnancy. We did this one at the birth center as well. My sixth was my one and only home birth. Side note, I wish I had all my birth at home now, but that's I'm glad I could always have six more. My husband would actually love that he would want to have. He would want to have. He wouldn't want all the kids. Wow. So right off the bat, and I think this is like a big part of, like, the story, just the kind of the fear involved, the kind of accepting God's grace and strength in my weakness, kind of starts at the beginning. It was following two miscarriages, one being like an ectopic rupture. So it was a very like, I had to take an ambulance. It was emergent. You know, it was very, like, kind of scary and traumatic going through that. So getting pregnant again, even though we knew we wanted to have our fist it, it brought up so much like fear, and I kind of just like when finally I was pregnant, I was just overwhelmed with fear, and I was like sobbing so scared, and I was, I never had a reaction like that before finding out I'm pregnant. So that was just kind of intense, I suppose. And then, Emily, I hate to interrupt you, but can you, can you try to name all the emotions underlying the tears you had just had some miscarriages, you're about to have a child, which is a big number five is seems to be a big leap. Like, what can you name the emotions you think you were feeling when you were crying?

Yeah, I think so. Actually, if I remember, like, remembering correctly initially, right, like, in the first five seconds I find out I'm pregnant, I am instantly actually joyful, you know, and then here, and then fear sets in right on its tails, like, like remembering, remembering what it was like to go through the ectopic rupture and then going through a miscarriage after that, remembering and. Lot of things that a lot of times people don't talk about how drawn out the miscarriage process can be. It's a It's not like you miscarry one day and then the next, even, and then you can start healing the next day. A lot of the time, it's like a month long process of, like, going in for blood work. They want to, they want to track down for like, those aren't that aren't familiar. Sometimes when you miscarriage, you have to keep going in and getting your blood drawn until your HCG levels are back to zero. They're wanting to kind of monitor that. So every time you're going in, you're having to, you're it's just fresh in your brain and and did my body do what it needed to do? And it's, it's not a quick process. So anyways, it was bringing up, remembering all that, and I thought like, what if I had, what if I go through another miscarriage? You know, like, this isn't and that's kind of where it brought me, right off the bat, just fear of another loss and not feeling ready that if I if this is another loss, I don't think, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to handle that, you know, I don't have the capacity to handle that right now. So then I felt like maybe we got pregnant too quick, even though I allowed my time my I allowed the time for my body to heal. Did I get pregnant too fast because I I wouldn't be able to handle you and me. I'm not mentally strong enough, so that's kind of what I was feeling when I started crying. Yeah, although all that emotion, but then kind of the first pivotal moments of that pregnancy, when I really embraced it as, like, this is good. This is from the Lord. I was praying with my husband one night, you know, telling him, like, I just have, like, so much fear. I feel like I can't fully celebrate this pregnancy, or I feel like I can't really be happy, and that's so normal. Pregnancy after loss. You feel like you can't really fully embrace it, or you're protecting yourself, you know. But it made me feel like if this life comes to fruition, I don't want to have not celebrated it. I don't want to have not rejoiced over this life, but I feel like I'm too weak to be excited, and I feel like I don't have the words to say, and it's making me feel like a bad mom. We always carry the mom guilt that we shouldn't, that we don't need to carry. I was just gonna say, I think there's guilt in there too for someone, and they can feel guilt like, how? Like, how can I feel good being happy for this baby when my heart is broken for another baby?

Yes, yes and yes. And we so often go to guilt and shame, and which I wish we didn't desk moms, but we do. So yes, I was talking to my husband about it. We he started praying. He kind of prayed over with me, and I, in that moment, I was just kind of like I was so in my wrapped in my own fear and anxiety. And I can, I can, kind of struggle with anxiety. I couldn't even I all I kind of said was like yes and amen. In my mind, yes and amen. I can't even take, I love the verse, like, take my wordless groans, because I so often feel like that's all I have to give in this moment. The world is the wordless groans. So I kind of threw up a yes name, amen. So when I'm anxious about something, my mind will, like ruminate. My mind will ruminate all night long, and I'll wake up in the middle of the night sometimes go to the bathroom, and it's like my mind is still thinking about that thing going around in a track in my mind, like it's been circling all night without even subconsciously, like I'll wake up and I'm instantly thinking about this anxious thing. But that night I woke up, and it was like I woke up to God praying over me. But I was overhearing his his prayer. I cry every time I talk about this. And oh, he was like, praying over me, praying like through me, all the things I wish I had, like, the strength to say, like he was covering me, Me in prayer, when I feel like I couldn't because I was too weak. And from that moment, I was like, Oh my gosh, okay. Like this is I felt like I could trust it a little bit more. And I felt like God was equipping me, in that moment to kind of embrace my fifth child the way I wish I could.

What was that like, Emily, how did you know it was God? How did you experience that?

I knew like right away, I feel like in those moments, I don't, there's not even a doubt or question in my mind. It's so it's just so him. It couldn't be anything else. Um, because me, knowing myself, I know myself, and myself would have woken up in the middle of night thinking about all the things I've been anxious about, about this pregnancy. Is it going to, you know, am I going to have another miscarriage? Like overly looking at all the signs what my body is doing. Am I showing any signs of possible miscarriage? You know, just anxious. I would have been thinking about all that stuff in the middle of night, waking up, I but I knew it was just God. I knew it was God's voice, because it was not me. It was, you know, it was all the things. 

Did you hear an actual voice? Or is this just like a knowing in your head, like a like words in your head? Or did you do you hear? Did you hear an actual external voice?

It like words in my head were not an external voice. It was very like clear as far as I have given this child to Emily, to mother, well, she is equipped. You know? It was things like that. I was not even thinking about, I wasn't thinking about any of that stuff leading up to that point. I wasn't trying to find the truth and the goodness and what God says about strength. I wasn't doing any of that up, you know. So I feel like that can't that went that wasn't me. It's like a download. Yeah?

I had a number of friends with similar experiences, and they all describe it the way you're describing it. They say it's not an external voice, but they have 100% certainty that thoughts are being put in their mind, clear as clear as day, yeah, and they're not their own thoughts, like they are given thoughts and they can hear them and sound them out, and yeah, it's perfectly clear. And there's just this conviction, these are not my thoughts. I was given this. So it sounds like it was similar for you.

That's a very good way to put it. And I know that. I know it's like, it probably sounds very like, whoo. I don't even know. It probably sounds very like, oh, what's the word mystical or, I guess. But I'm, I'm really not like a very mystical person, I guess I'm very, I'm a spiritual person, you know, being that I love the Lord, but I'm not like, mystical, super mystical. So, yeah, I guess I but it probably sounds almost crazy, like I'm hearing voices, like I'm hearing voices in my head, but to people that maybe don't, that haven't, like felt that or experienced it, it probably does kind of sound wild, but, yeah, it's real. It's happened. I don't but and people don't know what to make of it. I think it makes people feel uncomfortable. And I think they just don't know what to make of it when they hear it, and they they it, and they when people have these experiences, they don't know where it's come from. They didn't expect it. And it helps them in a difficult moment of their life, right in a difficult moment, and then they're changed afterwards. I think that really, I think that demonstrates something, yeah, oh yes. So was that a changing point for you? Did you feel some kind of trust after that moment? Yes, yes, it was kind of like a release or an exhale, or like a burden lifted from that moment on. I felt like he was like God was giving me something to kind of cling to and and this like deep trust that I am equipped to mother this child well and that, and that, he has equipped me to mother this, this child well, because there was also, like, a little bit of that fear wrapped up to it, wrapped into it. This is my is my fifth baby. Am I going to be able to have the capacity, you know, that to to stretch further, to to love another. And, you know, I feel like anytime you're any subsequent pregnancy, you kind of have that, like, am I going to be able to love this one, as much, you know, and and it's proven that you do. You can.

I remember that feeling so well between my first and my second, just sitting there looking at my first and thinking, how am i There's no way going to love this baby like, I love this child. It's impossible. There's no way I know, yeah, and it just appears. It just like, there's you never run out of enough love for your children ever. You could have 10 more. Oh my gosh, you might. You might get a lot more tired, but you still have enough love like yes, it expands miraculously 100%.

I think another reason that people have a hard time when they hear stories like this well meaning they don't know what to make of it, is that why some people get these incredibly cool experiences with God, and others don't, but they long for it. And do you have a sense Emily, like, Why did God show up then for you, if he never did before in such a clear way? Like, do you theorize why you had this cool experience, and why a handful of people do but not everyone? Do you think it's, do you think you were at a certain low? Like, did you have to hit a rock bottom? Do you think you had to be spiritual enough and open enough and receptive enough? I mean, why do some people attract the school experience from God and others are maybe not hearing --

Gosh? I wish I had, I wish I had, like, the right answer for that? Because I do. We all do. Everyone is so deserving of that. Everyone is so deserving of these moments with God, yeah, that that that become your testimony. Moment, moments so like good and and loving, they become part of your testimony. Everyone deserves those moments. I feel like it's definitely has nothing to do with me striving for it or me being good enough. Or me being spiritual enough, I actually really don't like that mentality, because I feel like some of my most, some of my most intimate moments with the with the Lord, has been my moments where I don't feel deserving of them at all. It's and it's like it almost it forces you to take the fact that you earned this that's out of the equation, because you can't earn what he freely gives sometimes. And I do feel like it starts with like a crying out to Him. I feel like that part needs to to be there sometimes. And I so I feel like praying with my husband that night, my little like, yes and amen was enough. It wasn't this, like beautiful, eloquent prayer. I'm on my knees. I'm surrendering to you Lord. It was a yes and amen, you know, and it also means you weren't chosen, and you're not special, and God is there all of us and, right? That's, I think that's another thing that causes disbelief when people say, I don't know, I'm just chosen. I just, I'm, I have this gift. And you're coming from such a place of deep humility, saying, I have no idea why this happened, but what you do know is it's not because you were chosen, right? I mean, you're, you can feel that, that it's like he's must be there for everyone, and for some reason you were able to receive in that moment.

Yeah. And I definitely, I feel very, very like, humbled and honored. I often feel like, what did I how? Why do I I don't deserve that, you know, like, I What? What did I see? That's my humanness. What did I do to deserve that you were listening? I think it's just that you were listening. I think, I really think that's it.

My heart must have been open to receive in some capacity, to be able to hear, yeah, yeah.

So that's not the end of when God showed up for you in this pregnancy and birth. So there's more to this story that where God showed up again, right? So let's, let's hear what happened from there.

Oh, okay, you guys, buckle up.

I will maybe sound like a crazy, crazy person.

Let's hear it.

So, you know, I go my it was a straightforward pregnancy, you know, I am, I have I'm. I feel very fortunate to have very good pregnancies. I am, you know, an annoying person that loves to be pregnant. I do. I love being pregnant. I'm going to really miss it. And I, you know, my due date comes and goes. Guest date, I should say, comes and goes. I'm 41 weeks. Getting over 41 weeks, I still am wanting to give birth at this birth center that I've loved giving birth at, but you can't go past 42 weeks at this birth center. So we're having like plans of, you know, what are we going to do to help baby come on out. We talked about castor oil. We ended up choosing the Foley balloon, having not this is my first time, and we did end up doing the fully, fully balloon. But my, I didn't have to have any sort of like help going into labor with my other ones. So this is another thing that brings up fear, anxiety unknown. I fear the unknown. I've never, you know, putting this balloon up in my cervix, this is all frustrating. This is not how my birth is supposed to go. You know? It challenges the trust we're supposed to be in a trusting place, and as soon as we need intervention of some kind. It challenges that and rocks. Wait, I can I not trust this pregnancy and this birth? Yeah, I can see what I want to do. I can't. Yes, so Exactly. So it threatened, just like my, yeah, my trust, that deep trust, that confidence, that you, that I so I love being in a place of confident readiness going into birth? No, no, that was all out the window.

Was this the first time you went post dates? So I it's common for me to go post dates, but the furthest I had gone was like 41 weeks on the nose. My my third daughter was 41 weeks. That was the furthest I had gone to that point. So like in the in my head, I'm thinking, I might go to 41 you know, for that, that's in my wheelhouse. But yeah, like they just kept going after that, and we ended up doing the fully balloon at 41 a couple, 41 and like 441, and four, I think, or 41 and three days, we ended up doing the fully balloon. Why don't they just leave you alone? Emily, so this, it's this, is this birth centers as their policy. They were getting, they were getting uncomfortable, so they wanted to get things going. And I didn't know what it when it comes to, like, what kind of rules birth centers have to be under to in that, but I think it's common for many birth centers that that's, like, their cut off. They can't. Oh, you risk out you like risk out of being able to if you go past 42 it's common in home birth too. Midwives will drop their clients at 42 weeks. And you were not quite at 42 and that's what made me ask 42 is Yeah, but I do think they're inching them up in a lot of places. So was it like 40 134, days? Yeah, it was like 41 And I it was like, I ended up going, I ended up giving birth 11, I think 11 days passed my due date, so that that's like, yeah, 41 and four, I think. And I think, like, they kind of, they were kind of explaining it, like, because this, this might not work. So we want to have some cushion to like, if the Foley balloon doesn't work, then maybe the next day we try castor oil. So they're kind of trying to give them, I think, trying to give themselves a little wiggle room. Um, with my, with my six, my last, my home birth. I went to 42 and 142, in one day. No, 42 and 242, how lucky. That was your home birth.

But I did it fully balloon at 4542 weeks in one day, I had to do the foil balloon. So I'm but I so I do wonder, like, how, how long would I have been pregnant? You might be, you just might be the rare 43 weaker. Oh, yeah, yeah. But also, if they, if you had been with the birthing center, they would have been, they would have been meddling around at 41 and a half weeks again, and she really wasn't ready. We know that for a fact now, because she went over 42 so it was really lucky that she, you know, because when you try to induce a baby that isn't ready, it it often doesn't work. So, yeah, pretty lucky. I think complicated complications can come up for Yeah, yeah. It just doesn't take and then they end up, you know, doing the next thing and the next thing. So neither, of them were huge babies either. I don't know. I think my my body just maybe cooks them longer. They were just eight pounds, not huge babies. I think people were like, were they, like, 10 pounds, meaning they're the long No, just little, a little late, pounder, normal. Yeah. People misunderstand that a lot. Yeah, really do they? They assume things like that. Okay, so, so what happened next? Okay, so, yeah, I get the Foley balloon put in my head space is kind of like, I have kind of been able to get to somewhat of a place of surrender, because I know how important that is for birth to unfold, to be, to not be holding tension in your mind, in your body. So I was like, by the grace of God, able to get to this place of, okay, this is, this is the way my birth is going. At this point we know we're just gonna surrender to it. At this point, we got that, but still kind of like a fear of the unknown in the back of my mind. Like, what is this balloon? What's this experience gonna be like? What's a fully balloon induced birth gonna be like? So, yeah, the right away, my uterus is like, yuck. I don't like this thing. You know, you guys know much about the fully balloons. Well, it's not by experience, but sure we know about it, yeah, but it's a little bit my, one of my friends and mentors, who's a midwife of many decades, calls it barbaric. I mean, it's just unusual, you know, it's just a little, it's a little odd. You're, you're, I mean, the good thing about it is it isn't chemical, so it's, yeah, well, to chemical inductions. But, I mean, it's a little weird, right? I mean, we're sticking something in there manually, like we would never do this to, you know, the and the mammal out, yeah, woods. It would seem so strange if we did it to another mammal, but we've analyzed it.

The thought of it almost makes my body cringe a little bit the thought of it being up there and, you know, it's like your whatever, so, but it was like effect. It was effective, you know, both times, in the sense that it did what? But I do feel like that with a Foley balloon, it definitely like made my uterus angry right off the bat, like so just way more crampier. It's almost like, with the balloon in there, you kind of have a constant cramp going on, and your body's almost building tension around it, and just crampy, General crampiness. So then when the contractions come, they just are way more icon like, so they're like, spicy and sharp, these, these, they don't feel like the normal contractions that I would use.

It's a foreign object in our cervix and body. Our bodies don't like foreign objects in our body. So your uterus is trying to contract and relax at the same time, and there's this foreign object putting pressure on it where it's supposed to be relaxing and opening. So it's right, your body gets a little confused. It's effective because it's stretching the cervix and releasing those prostaglandins, which is what helps you get into labor. But it's like, it's multifactorial.

Yeah, it adds like this, like sharp. Sharpness is kind of the best way I can describe it adds this like sharpness to it, like, where my contract, like, in the past, I really could feel the ebb and flow the contraction, the kind of the wave you climb, or the moment you climb with the contraction. And there's not this sharpness to it, typically, until maybe, like, the way at the end, when you're like, maybe going through transition, then they can kind of get a little unhinged and sharp, those contractions, the final opening. But I never, I don't usually have that sharpness right off the get go. So, you know, once, once labor was kind of kicking off, they sent me back home. You know, I'm home, contractions are coming right off the bat. I'm like, Oh, I do not. I do not like these at all. And it's kind of like a mind game, because. Because they say, you know, once you're four centimeters, that balloon will just kind of fall out of you, yeah, and every time you're at the bathroom, go, feel free to give a little, a little tug, gentle tug, and see if it's ready to come out. So I was having these, like, good contractions, and I was like feeling that the intensity of them felt like they were more like active labor, not pre labor stuff, or not early labor stuff. So every time I go to the bathroom, I would give a little tug, uh, hate that. Not ready to come out. And they were just kind of getting closer, like closer together, more on top of each other. I just really, I felt like my users were just just angry about this whole thing. So I got in the tub, and I know this is a mind game for me, because I know I'm not at four centimeters and I need to get in the tub, and I'm like, vocalizing kind of through them. My mom's over. This is in the evening, the kids are in bed, or this, this after all the kids are in bed. So it's me, my mom and my husband, and she's like, pouring water over my back and looking at me, kind of like, do you want to call the midwife? This is because she's been with me through all my births, and she's like, this is kind of you, kind of some how you do, like, towards the end of your labor. And so I called my midwife, and she was kind of talking to me through it. I'm my mom's telling her the balloon's still in there, because I'm not even, I'm talking to her through in between contractions, not through them. I can't even talk through a contraction. And my midwife's hearing that, she's like, go ahead and cut that balloon out. Yeah, go ahead and take that out. Oh, praise the Lord. She said that I actually really love, love, love the midwife I had. I was praying I would get this midwife. She's wonderful, and she was on call that night. She's like, Yeah, go ahead and take that out. If the contractions kind of continue the way they are, feel free to come on down. It's our our drive for us, so we're mindful of that. And yeah, so we cut it out. They did not ease up in intensity. Because that will sometimes happen when you take the fully balloon out, or even if the fully balloon falls out on its own. You dilate to four. It falls out. Sometimes labor will just stall and stop right there, because you don't, you no longer have that mechanism, yeah, the pressure on the cervix, yeah, yeah. So that can happen sometimes, um, think, like, thankfully it didn't. Labor was still going, but it was still just as, like, intense, and I was kind of hoping that would get a little bit of a reprieve once it was out, but they just kind of kept coming the same way they were coming. So we decided to get loaded into the car and head down to the birth center. Um, this is kind of where I have my moment of, I'm not getting in the car. No, that will not be happening. This is too intense. I hate laboring in the car. I usually get in the car before I get to this point of intensity. And I'm in intensity right now, and now I'm now I have to get in the car. No, I don't want to do that. And my husband, my mom, like seeing how close together these contractions are, seeing how I'm not really coping through them. They're like, Emily, you know, you got to get in the car. We got to get down there. We have an hour drive. There's, there's still part of me thinking, like, I'm still probably at four centimeters, and that's adding to all of it, because I we had to cut the balloon out, you know. So I'm kind of like, oh, the worst headspace. I'm in the worst headspace. And John, like, prays for me again before I get in the car. We kept waiting. I had like, probably five contractions outside the car. I'm not getting in, I'm not getting in, and he prays I get in. And it was the same kind of thing where I just do, like, a yes and Amen, yes and Amen. Lord, yes and amen, almost like, angrily, yes and amen. Okay, you know, whatever, whatever.

Fine. I was like, so, like, this is not, I don't I was almost like mad that I don't want, this is not my birth I don't want this is not my birth story. You know, you kind of have all the and that's, that's, that's definitely coming out of, like, a place of, I've been very blessed to have very straightforward births. I know birth can be I don't want to sound like I know birth can be wild and and traumatic for so many women. So the fact that I'm kind of complaining that I'm experiencing too much pain, you know, there's so much more that could be going on. Women get really apologetic for the sake of other women when they have I know nice I really have to do. You're you're allowed to have your life experience and share it, you know, and it's, it's so it's such a it's such a burden that women carry when they have anything positive to share, because they know that it stings or hurts. But we're all responsible for what we listen to. We're all responsible for how we feel when we listen to things. And you're just, it's your story. You were saying, We're all allowed to feel however it is that we feel about our own birth. I mean, these are our feelings. It's your experience. You we don't have to alter that. It's It's whatever you feel, is what you FEEL, and that's right, because it's yours.

Yeah? Thank Yeah. That's very that's true. Thank you for saying that.

And I do, women like to hear it too, because they it makes them believe they also. Like to know that it also can be smooth, but either way, you're not responsible for her. How other women hear your life experience. So it's great. Just speak freely. So you always felt it like went really smoothly, and now you thought, What the heck is happening? And that you thought you were only four centimeters at the same time. So it was like the worst of two worlds. You were thinking, is that it Yes, yes, that's, that's, that's really, yeah, that's exactly it. I kind of, and then you don't want to be in in your head like that. You don't want to be having all those kind of negative thoughts. That's also not good for labor, you know. So, you know, I get in the car, we go, we get down. I'm very, yeah, horrible headspace. Contractions are so hard and intense, like frustratingly, so I'm like, vocalizing through them, like, not good, not good labor sounds like kind of panicky sounds when these contractions come. I'm not doing anything right, except you were. It felt like, in the moment, it felt like I was doing everything wrong. You know, as far as like, I'm not, I'm not, like surrendering to this bird. I'm just angry and whatever, you know, that's normal too. Oh, it's so funny because, oh, maybe another time. But this my sixth birth. I I like embraced anger. It was so I'd never done that before. That's a whole nother podcast, but it was like I was so because it was very similar to this birth, fully balloon, sharp contractions, angry, they're so intense. And I was like angrily power walking my hallway at like, nine centimeters. Look, I'm gonna have this painful birth. I'm gonna go walk around the house and feel this pain. And it was so fun. You channeled it. You were working with it and not resisting it, not resenting it. Yeah, women don't give birth the same every time. Yeah, a completely different experience. One baby can be calm, peaceful, quiet, and another baby can be angrily, stomping the halls. Oh, it was. But maybe, you know, maybe your baby has something to do with that. Who knows?

I definitely, probably would. Whenever my body needed it. I feel like I remember, because that mom, my mom, you know, it was like, because then I, shortly after, I was in the tub, pushing her out, and my mom's like, Ah, I had no idea you were that close to giving birth, because normally, you're in the tub at that point, not like, stomping around, power walking. It was so funny. Anyways, that's a side note. So in the car, we Yes, okay, but like making all these kind of bad labor sounds, or what I felt like in the moment was bad. And I kind of felt the next contraction was coming, and I was like feeling myself tense up for it. And then I, like, I heard God, like, like, shush me. Not in a kind of, not in a condescending, but like a loving, you know, quiet your quiet your spirit, quiet your mind. And then so I was, I was like, dead silent when I was being very like, local, and that's when he started like, so I quieted my spirit. Contractions coming, but he started showing me in my mind these beautiful visions, visuals and the like, the first thing he showed me disarmed. Disarmed me so much that I started audibly laughing. Pain is gone. I'm laughing. So the pain is gone. Okay, so I'll show you. I'll tell you what he showed me. Um, so he's Jesus is this is, so this is playing in my mind, like I almost like I'm watching as vivid as if I'm, like, watching a movie. Um, he's Jesus. Is the conductor of, like, a big orchestra of angels. I'm like, in the audience. So his back is to me, and he's orchestrating this, being the director of this orchestra. And like turning around and, like, with the most, like, jubilant, happy, excited, pumped, this is for you, like we're in labor, you know, kind of attitude, and that whole image of him, like, what? Yeah, it was so disarming in that moment that I started, like, laughing out loud, and and so then, and then I'm smiling and laughing and like, the I the pain in that moment is gone, so the contractions done. And I'm thinking, like, whoa, whoa. Was that, like, I did not really trust it at first. That was, was that that does actually happen. Am I did I just hallucinate for a second, what is happening? I think in that moment, like I prayed something like, was that? Was like, was that, you Lord? Kind of the next contraction, I was gonna wait for the next contraction to see if that would happen again. So. Um, I feel, I feel like, so at that point, I'm kind of just like, wait for, like, hopeful expectancy of what this next contraction was is going to be like. And contraction kind of starts to, I can feel it kind of start to build again. And I'm closing my eyes, and I'm still just dead silent saying, like, Okay, Lord. Like, if this is you, like, I'm here for it, like, and I'm really just kind of trying to be still so that I can hear and see whatever he's trying to do, right? I am fully surrendering to it. And the next like, Vision he's showing me is we're like, hand in hand running up waves together, and running, not like along the shore, but actually running up giant waves, like, in like, the middle of the ocean, hand in hand running up the wave. And what I think, like, struck me the most about what he was showing me in these moments is how like child, like he was, and he was so that still is what kind of strikes me the most about this whole story is I had, I I had no idea that he had that character about him, or that, like, that's part of the heart of God, this really joyful, jubilant, childlike spirit, where he's just so happy to be with me. I'd never experienced that side of God before. So we're running up hand in hand, laughing together. And oh man, I and then I know in that moment I pray, this is what or I say like, this is what you're like. This is who you are. This is this is how you see me. This is how it's like being with you. I'd never felt love, his love in that, in that way, in that capacity, that's kind of like unhindered, unhinged, playful, play. Yeah, very playful. It was so, but it was exactly what, like, I needed in that, in that moment, it was so, just so, so, like, disarming. And I'm finding myself, like, going through, what's so crazy is that he really only he showed me, like, these three distinct visuals. It was so wild. I still can't really wrap my head around it. It was crazy. How fast this hour felt. It felt like it was like a 10 minute span of time. There was one point where I start, I did kind of because this whole time I felt like I was really in this heavenly realm. I was not present here on earth. He had really taken me to this heavenly space. And I say this often about birth, but I do feel like when you're in labor, the like the veil between heaven and earth is so thin. I feel like it's one of those moments where heaven does come down on Earth. Gosh. So I was kind of coming back down to earth in this moment. And I was looking at the clock and seeing how much farther it was to the birth center, and I was kind of starting to notice my surroundings, coming back into my into this present Earth, earthly state, I suppose. And that's when I started feeling like the intensity of the contractions again, when I was starting to focus on my surroundings and not what God was showing me. And in that, in that next contraction, he we're still running up the waves together, but he like, scoops me up into his arms, and now he's carrying me up this wave and but the beautiful part about that moment, what sticks out, what I'll remember forever, is in that moment, him carrying me. He was, like, just as proud and happy to be with me than when I could, like, run myself. He was having just as much fun, like smiling down at me, filled with the same amount of love and joy as when I could is when we were sprinting together, hand in hand. That was such a the way he it felt like he was just carrying, carrying me in that moment and then another moment like, similar to that, where I could just feel my humanness. Kept wanting to rationalize what was happening, like, this can't be I kept wanting to make sense, sense of it in my human mind. Like, how is this? How? How did I? How was I having such, such like, painful contractions to now I'm being shown vision, vision from God, and not having any pain that doesn't make sense. So something must be I need to make sense of it kind of so I had another moment like that where I'm trying to rationalize in my mind and not just fully accepting and embracing what God is trying to show me and give me and he. He like, and he, he, he like, tipped my chin back up to him, and he had his hand on my face, and I had my hand on his and I was, like, physically holding my hand up in the car, like this, close my eyes, holding my hand up. And we just like we're looking like we're staring at each other, like, oh gosh, eye contact in labor is so I do that with my husband all the time, making eye contact and labor. You know, there's something about holding someone's like gaze. Anyways, I had never thought about that until this, this moment, but my husband was like, after he's when I was telling him all this, he's like, What did he look like? And I'm like, I could not even tell you. It was just like, it was just almost, I knew I was having that moment with Jesus, where he's holding my face and I'm like, holding his and I felt like the fullness of His love in that moment, oh my gosh. I've never experienced anything like that. I even now, I still want to rationalize it, even now, even now, I feel like, how did that happen to be in that such an intimate moment with him? It's so, oh gosh, it sounds all the more real to me that you can't say what he looked like, that you can't say, well, he looked like this. I'll never, I wish I could, or face, I mean, I feel like that would be the the fabricated story version, and the real one is just, it's pure energetic, it's pure love. All you experienced was pure love and an awareness of what was happening and how you were contacting one another, but not that you could see it in your human form. Like, I've had dreams where I've experienced bliss or and I've had meditation sessions where my consciousness expands, and there is a human part that, for me at least, almost gets panicky that it's about to end. Like, no no, don't stop. Don't stop. And you like, I feel yourself coming back into your Yeah, I almost sounded that way when you were describing it. But yes, I'm not surprised that can't describe what he looked like, even though your hands was on his face.

There was no like, physical tangibility to it. It was, it was all about like I could feel, I could it was, I could feel like the spirit of it doll, and I could feel what he was exuding off his like his presence, the energy. It's just energy, energy, yeah, the energy. That's exactly it. And did you?

Did you only feel this energy during the contractions and in between? Nothing or, gosh, it's so ever present throughout.

I feel like, the like, what he was like, the very like visual, visuals he was showing me was during the contractions and in between. I think I just, like, was closing my eyes and just sign, I don't even remember, remember the in between. Honestly, it was because the whole car ride felt like just a few minutes to collapse of, you know, time, the way you experience time as a human. So, yeah, it really hard to even know.

I asked my husband, like, what did you think? Did you ever, like, look back at me during that car ride, because I was, you know, very loud and also and I got quiet. He's like, I thought you'd like, fall asleep or something. It was so weird. I didn't know what you were doing back there. I thought you were sleeping, which I thought was crazy, because you were in so much pain before. So that's kind of funny. I look like I was sleeping, I guess.

Isn't it funny though, that humans also turn God into, you know, the whole idea of reverence is just like the utmost respect, and obviously like the deepest humility and holding God on this pedestal, which is the whole idea. But we always, as humans, describe God to one another in images, and, you know, in ceremonies, as being of the most serious nature. But every human since the beginning of time, and in every culture since the beginning of time, has had every culture has had humor, every everyone has had play. This is not something just some people have. It's inborn in us. I mean, oh, yeah. So it's it shouldn't come as a huge surprise to us to realize that, yeah, play itself comes from God. Humor comes from God. And for a few friends who've had spiritual experiences, there's often been play. There's often been a demonstration of whimsy.

Yes. Oh, whimsy. I love that word, yes. I think that's so true. It definitely felt so whimsical, especially like the the more like playful, like running, running like running, sprinting like a child, like running together, where you're just kind of high sprinting as an adult is just different when you when you run as a kid, you know? And like, the orchestra is very whimsical. And then anytime, like I had the moments of, like, doubt or it almost makes me think of like the story of Peter walking on the water and he's starting to sink, you know, because he's like, he's walking on the water. Of Jesus start to sink. I feel like I had like, kind of moments like that, where, in those moments, God, you know, he's, he's redirecting my face, like face to him, and he's carrying me. And then those, in those moments, it was like, still, still, like jubilant, uh, light, but more of like a grounding love than the playfulness of the other visions. It was a more like security. It was like secure, a secure grounding in those moments, which was so like, I'm fully, fully protected in this moment, and fully safe, fully surrounded. Wow. I've often thought like, I wish I could tap into that, like in the day to day. And I think there's something, you know, I've, I've definitely my most kind of intimate moments with Christ has have been in birth, and I think so. And I part of, maybe whatever it is you're, you're out of Oh, I think I actually wrote something down about why. I think that about what, what it is about birth that allows me to have the these moments. I think I wrote it down. I was thinking about it the other day. If you wrote it down, Emily there must mean there's a song in there to be written. There should be a song one day. Sounds like your first step.

Okay, I haven't read let's see, I wrote this a while. I wrote this kind of shortly after I gave birth to my my sixth birth gets me, it gets me out of my head and allows me to feel the presence of God, unhindered by this world, unhindered by my anxiety, by my mind. That puts up this block, I get in my own way. So often I don't fully receive this gift. He freely gives this gift of peace and joy, like having living life to the full, I don't fully receive that. Sometimes it feels impossible to receive because it doesn't make sense. I don't deserve that kind of unconditional love and grace. It feels like I don't deserve that, but when I'm giving birth, it's so intense, I have no choice but to not only receive it, but to fully embrace it as my lifeline, my hope, my security, my comfort and so, yeah, that I wish I could tap into that in the day to day, but yeah, like so often, like my own mind will get in the way, or I definitely think I'll, I have, I've had moments outside of birth where it feels very much like, especially like when I'm like, during worship. Worship is such a huge. Worship is such a huge thing for me to kind of go there, to kind of accept that his his presence through worship. I feel like so often is the only time I can kind of get out of my own head. You know.

I kind of feel like, if you're wondering why you don't have a day to day, the idea like the memory of my father teaching me how to ride a bike is coming back where he was so happy for me when I took off and I was riding on my own, and he was running happily laughing beside me as I was riding myself. And he he, you know, there's the parent wants to celebrate when the child can do things on their own. And if you're longing to have that experience again, it's probably God's way of saying, no, no, you're good. You've got this. I know you're overwhelmed, Emily, but yeah, need me right now. I was there when you actually needed me, when you actually had doubt, when you actually had fear, but it's like a father and a mother wants to show the child you don't need me all the time. Yeah, and I am here. I am here when you need me, but I but you have to also know that you don't need me all the time. That's the most loving thing a parent can do for a child to show them. Yeah, you don't need me all the time, right? In that capacity, you don't need me in that capacity all the time. That's right. You don't need me to save you and rescue you and carry you all the time.

Yeah, yeah. That's so true. That's so yeah, yes. That's a, that's a beautiful way to put it, and it kind of gives you like a just because you're not feeling that that intensive, like a connection in your day to day, doesn't mean you're not doing something right, or doesn't mean you're not like it probably means you are, or it doesn't mean that you are. Doesn't mean that you're not looked after enough, or I'm not protected, or out of communication. Oh, sure, yes. But a great way to put it, certainly when we go into altered states of consciousness like we do at birth, our ability to communicate with the whatever it is the other side, yeah, spiritual God, whatever it is, is much enhanced when we are not in our thinking mind all day, right? The other thing with God that I think happens is we can get to a point when we get a little bit of evidence. We crave more. We crave more and more proof and evidence. And I think that that's not how the relationship is. What God wants. It really doesn't want to be like here, I'll prove it again. I'll do it here, right? Space across the table for like, God is me to do tricks and to keep showing up because we want more proof and evidence and cool experiences. It's really like a little window, a little spiritual moment we can have in lives. And it's like we it's such a beautiful thing if and when that happens. Yeah? And we can get hungry for just more and more, because it's such a high it's such a it's a beautiful state.

Yeah? So, yeah, those, but that's where, that's where faith comes in, right? Yeah, faith is, is the ability to believe without the evidence. Yeah, that's the hardest. That's the hardest part.

I love that you guys framed it, framed it that way, then that's like, very freeing of me, freeing for me to think about it that way. Because there was a part of me that felt like, if I like, you know, in my, in my day to day, if, when I'm struggling with, like, anxiety or overwhelm or this, and that the fact that I can't go there must mean that I'm not, like, spiritual enough, or I'm not, I'm not, you know, I'm not doing enough. I so often put it on myself and my own strength, which, if anything, that that birth taught me so much that it's not it's about my he met me my weakness, not my strength. He met me and His grace was sufficient for me in my weakness, and that I can rejoice in my weakness, because that's when he was there, carrying me, um, where? Oh, gosh, oh, thank you for that. Like, framing it that way, that's so like freeing thinking about it that way.

Do you want to tell us what happened to the rest of your birth story? And then we'll give you some of the questions that women submitted to ask you?

Sure. Yeah. So yeah, we got there, I didn't want to get out of the car, which is such a crazy juxtaposition to me really dreading, dreading getting in the car. Now I don't want to get out of the car. John's, like, John again, like, Okay, now we gotta get out of the car, honey. I get in the birth center. I'm pushing, like, pretty I think I don't know, within, like, within the hour of being there, but I was so like, in labor land, my the midwives after were like, wow, you were, like, in another realm, they even said that afterwards, because you were, yeah, I really, I really was, and they picked up on that. I was just eyes closed, not talking, not really, just saying anything, you know, and then, like, pushing, I had, like, a little bit of that. And this has happened with a couple of my babies sit pretty high up until and so it's happened a couple of times where, like, I'll have, like one switch, like they'll come down and, like one movement, it's like a big, dramatic bone, like bowling ball dropping down. And so I because I was ready to I felt ready to I felt ready to push, but I felt like I was hitting this kind of wall. And the midwife I had on call, which, who I was really hoping I would get, who would be on call that night, was prayed for me in that moment, like that, my that baby would just fully descend, and that I would have like this. I don't even, I don't remember what she prayed for, but the my next contraction, Vivian dropped down, and I think after that, I pushed her out, like in three pushes. And I had, I had, like, a really sweet moment. I'd always kind of seen these beautiful birth videos of mothers bringing their babies to their chest and crying and, oh, hi. Or, you know, like my baby, and I feel like all my births before that, I'm just totally stunned and shocked about what just about, what just happened that I'm I kind of look like a rare that's not rare. It's very common, actually.

Yeah, my adrenaline just so high I don't ever connect in that moment. And I don't feel bad about that, like I don't carry any shame or guilt about I know that that's very like normal, but I always thought like, Oh, that'd be kind of sweet to have to be fully present in that moment. I never felt very fully present in the moment. I bring that to my chest, because I'm so like, I'm alive, you know. So anyways, for that birth, I kind of like, prayed, Lord, it'd be really cool to really feel the magnitude of that moment when I bring her to my chest and to be fully present in that moment. I would, I would love that. And I that was my first birth. I had that where I brought her to my chest, and I'm crying. I'm like, Thank You, Jesus, my baby, hi, and I'm like, it's very different from what I normally look like after I give birth. So that was kind of a sweet, just a sweet little ending to that birth where I had that moment, and, yeah, I had, like, I have video actually, of myself, like I haven't even birthed the placenta yet, and I'm telling I'm trying to explain to my mom and John, my husband, John, like, what was happening in the car ride. And I'm kind of a little delirious. Still, my eyes are kind of like half open, and I'm like, Jesus, like, was showing me all this stuff in the car ride. And I kind of was trying to, kind of, it's funny watching. Back, because it's almost like someone's super high, high drugs, trying to explain, yeah, the visions they just had, yeah. And they're kind of like, Wow, that's great. Like, they're kind of like looking at each other, like, really, what? Anyways, I'm really glad I have video of that, because it kind of like helps confirm my mind, when I try to say, I try to downplay it in my mind. Sometimes, like, oh, you know, I was probably just imagining things, or this and that I've tried to downplay it before, or I find myself trying to downplay it anyways, but then I'll watch a video, and I'm where it's like, I'm having birth the placenta yet, and I'm explaining to them what I saw. And I was like, Oh my gosh, no, that was so real. That was so real, that couldn't have been anything, but God, yeah, that's a great ending line for the birth story. That was perfect.

So we have some questions, and if you can, if we can throw them at you, see how many we can answer in the next Yeah, three, four minutes or so. Let's see what women are asking. Okay, one, one of them is what made you decide to home birth your last it was always something mean. One that, like, has always just loved birth and the whole process of birth, I just felt like I really want to. And talking to women who home birth, everyone says, Oh, you got to do a home birth. You know what I mean? I feel like almost every single person I talked to that gave him home birth, well, told me you're not. You're gonna love it. You're gonna wish you had all of them at home. You just so I just felt like I gotta trust these other birthing women. They must be on to something. You know, even you don't love car rides when you're in labor, I don't love car rides. That's why I home birthed my second. I was like, you know, without the car ride, you want an hour long car ride to the birthing center? Same thing, exactly.

So definitely there. And I was like, I gotta, I gotta try it once, and now you agree with them. Now you're gonna do.

I do. I'll be the one other person that says, I wish I would have had all my births at home. I think, oh gosh, it was. I had such a good experience. It was wonderful.

Okay, did you have a job before you were a stay at home mom? And what was it?

Yes. So I worked at I worked as, like a CNA or like a nursing assistant in different environments, like I worked at a group home for 10 years. I worked at a group home, oh my gosh. I absolutely loved it. I so I worked with adults with mental disabilities, probably maybe my favorite job of all time. I also worked as a birth doula, though. So that was, that's a close birth doula, and working with vulnerable adults. I those, oh my gosh, we get back to work. What's that? It's very aligned work. Oh sure, yeah, that was, you were in the it's funny, like my, my mom is in this. She is a program coordinator for a nursing home, but she was an occupational therapist before that. And my dad is an architect, and out of us four siblings, two of us are in, like, the people business, and the other two are in architecture, which is kind of funny, like, who took after what parent? But yeah, so I worked as a birth doula and worked as a CNA, and loved both, yeah, loved, love. I would love to get back into like birth work, or working with, like adults with disabilities down the line somewhere in there. I would love it. So, so joy filled work.

Okay, how did you know that you'd be complete after six babies? Or what advice do you have for women who are just, you know, they torture themselves over whether to have that one additional baby? Any advice? Oh, gosh, I It's so funny. You're asking that, because I'm so, like, struggling with that right now, as far as I know, like, we've I have this sense of like, you know, and I really felt it the most strong at the end of my pregnancy, I just had this, like, this really deep peace and sense that we're complete. Our family's complete. Because my fear was that I would always want to have more babies, and that this is such a like, a sweet season of my life, bringing new life into the world and growing our family is has meant so so so much to me that I was fearful that I would never want to be done, and that I would just logically have to be done, and my heart would be like, No, I don't want to be done, but logically you have to be done, you know? And I would, that was kind of my fear, but I did have a ton of peace at the end of this pregnancy, like where my heart and my head were in alignment and felt good about being done and I but like, within these this, like, within the last couple of weeks or so, I've been kind of more so grieving that still, I still have this, like, deep peace about it all. But I'm more so I'm kind of getting sad now, or I'm kind of, it's so bittersweet. I'm sad. I'm getting more, like, sad that I'm never going to be pregnant again, and, you know, never have a baby again.

I guess that was not a good question choice, because it provoked a lot, yeah, oh gosh, she's done. It's so easy for her. She just knew, sit and you're saying, No, it's not even easy for you.

One thing that's I will say that. So huge is that, like the fact that I'm, I'm grieving, this is, is such a beautiful thing, because it means that it meant so much to me, this chapter of my life meant so much to me, and that's a good thing. It's a good thing that I can grieve it, because that means it was beautiful and good, you know, yeah, absolutely. I was thinking that when you were talking, yeah, harder not end on an easy birth. What's your secret to never seemingly losing your you know what? Oh, yeah. How do you keep your cool? How do you not say it? You couldn't, should I swear?

No, not in this episode, it doesn't feel like, how do we keep, how do we keep, like, the spark?

No, no, no, that's another No, how? What's your secret tonight? Oh, you're not. What's your secret to not losing your mind? No, not losing my S, H I T, yes, okay, I do feel like I lose my S, H I T, sometimes ideas so I don't, definitely don't, not lose not lose it. I do like, you raise your voice. You yell at your kids every now and then. Yes, listen, I've yelled at my kids. I've like, you know, sometimes I feel like, or are I have good, like, physical regulation, you know, where I'm doing this, or I'm doing horse lifts, but there's some times I'm doing this, you know, I don't, I don't want to really teach this to my kids, so we but what? Anytime that does happen, we really, we, I always make sure to follow up with them. Like mom was feeling kind of so overwhelmed in that moment that I felt like I needed to hit my head to kind of get back into my to calm down, but that's not a good there are other things we can do that are that are better and that don't hurt. And I then I show them, Mommy's gonna do this next time. Or, you know, I mean, we always like talk it through. Or if I yell, you know, I do apologize because I don't want to, I don't want anytime I feel like I'm showing that I'm out of control. I really it is very important to me that I talk them through it, because I want them to know that they have security with me, and that they can feel secure with me, and if I have moments where I feel out of control, they can trust that Mommy's going to you know what I mean, I don't want them to come back. Yeah. Come back, yeah. I can't help but think, and I've had this opinion for many years, that the luckiest people in the world are the ones with a really strong innate sense of humor, the kind of people who can just laugh for no reason, like, you know, once in a while you're if you're just driving and start laughing, or trying to fall asleep at night and you start chuckling. I think these are the luckiest people in the world, because you can take a stressful moment, much of the time, and turn it into something a little lighter because it is hard. So along those lines, just two more. One is you and your husband seem so connected and joyful. I mean, is it? Does it boil down to just that you married someone who also has a lightness and a great humor about him? Is it really or do you have tons of help on the side that nobody's seeing on social media?

We do as so we do. I do have, like, a nanny that comes on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I do have help. I don't want people to think that I have little bit, I have a little bit. So just Tuesdays and Wednesdays I have and we absolutely she's a gal from our church. We absolutely love her. My kids absolutely love her. She's wonderful. She she'll, yeah, two days a week where I can edit email. I'm writing a children's book. So, and that was like I struggled. I struggled with that right off the bat, I'm a state I'm, you know, I meant to be a stay at home mom. And you know all the unnecessary, mom, guilt, mom, shame, you're taking time away from your Yeah. Blah. So anyways, unnecessary shame for 100% you know, women throughout history had community they I mean, just the women today, just have to pay for it more often. But women always had, women all over the place, helping them.

Oh, what? Yes, yes. And I think that's so community is so so, so important. And I, and I, my my mom, we have. She lives on our property, mother in law suite my so my parents are divorced, so my mom lives on our property. She works full time, and we're very like, we do. We try to be very respectful of her. It's not a free for all. You can't just go to grandma's whenever you want, even though you can walk there, you know, we try to be very respectful of her. You know, solitude. Everyone needs solitude so. But she's also like, she'll pop over in the evening, sometimes give help with bath time. That probably happens at least once a week. She's popping over and like, you know, changing the diaper or so. That's I definitely have that community support as well. I have amazing John's parents are amazing.

So about your marriage, then would you say it's that John also just has a good humor and basically a similar disposition he he definitely does. I, uh, people that know us say that like we're both Golden Retrievers, and I feel like he's almost honestly a bigger golden retriever than me. I can be kind of more, like, I don't know, I can be more what's Oh, okay. Like, let's say we're. In an elevator with strangers, he's way more likely to start yapping with the strangers where I'm kind of more like I can be kind of introverted at times, or I don't necessarily know, I don't want to necessarily spark up a conversation with every stranger I meet, where John will 100% do that.

Well, we're talking about what keeps you happy together, and if you take a stressful moment, no, no, you're, you're, I think that's a, that's a really cute analogy, but, but I think people admire so much is that you and he seem to have so much fun together. So even if he is a little different in public, at home, he's still like that light. He's got that he'll, he'll lean toward lightness like you do, which you have to feel it in your bones that that must save your marriage 1000 times over, right? Oh, yeah, in another household, that would turn into a really bad moment when you two can laugh it off. You must feel that, yes, I do 100% feel that. The fact that we can laugh together and laugh at the insanity of it all, he's very even, even keeled. You know, he doesn't get really easily rattled. So being able to find humor together is huge, huge. It's huge.

Last question, what made your home birth so special? How was it different from all your other births, which were also really good births and birthing center? What? What was different about the home birth? I think they're they're just something it. You hear people say this all the time. There's something about being at home. There is something about this new this extra layer of like, comfort and security, about being at home, which comfort and security are both huge things to that you want in in your birth so you do have that extra layer when you're at home, even like being able to, like, walk my whole house. I was in the kitchen. I was going up and down the stairs. I was in all these places that I so often it during the day, and there was, there's a, there's just a, there's a beauty about that, for sure.

And then there's breakfast in bed after the baby is born.

Yes, my sister in law, my sister in law, came to this birth, and she came in with this, like, whole tray of, like, home, fresh sourdough bread with, like, butter and honey on it. This, like, really hearty stew that she made. Oh, the meal after birth is so good. And she, like, brought me my tray and I was in, oh, that was so there's no feeling like that when I really people would say, like, and then just being able to, like, tuck right into your bed after was so amazing. And I always felt like I couldn't, like, feel how special that was. I guess when people talked about it, like, because I would get into a bed at the birth center afterwards, like, and they have like, a, like, a standard, it's not like a hospital bed. So I felt like, I don't know if that's really the going to be the biggest appeal to me, but then actually getting into your own bed after birth, I was like, I get it. I get it. This is so nice, yeah, well, this was amazing. Beating you. Thank you, Emily, it's so much fun.

I'm so happy that we got to do it. I'm so thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for just throwing the invite out. And this was so nice. 

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