Down to Birth
Join Cynthia Overgard and Trisha Ludwig once per week for evidence-based straight talk on pregnancy, birth and postpartum --- beyond the clichés and beyond the system. With 40 years' combined experience in midwifery, childbirth education and advocacy, publishing, research and postpartum care, we've guided thousands of families toward safer, more empowered choices. Down to Birth is all about safe childbirth, while recognizing a safe outcome isn't all that matters. We challenge the status quo, explore women's rights in childbirth, and feature women from all over the world, shining shine light on the policies, culture, and systemic forces that shape our most intimate and transformative of life experiences. You'll hear the birth stories of our clients, listeners and numerous celebrities. You'll benefit from our expert-interviews, and at any time you can submit your questions for our monthly Q&A episodes by calling us at 802-GET-DOWN. With millions of downloads and listeners in 90 countries, our worldwide community of parents and birth professionals coms together to learn, question and create change, personally and societally. We're on Instagram at @downtobirthshow and at Patreon.com/downtobirthshow, where we offer live ongoing events multiple times per month. Become informed, feel empowered, and join the movement toward better maternity care in the United States and worldwide. As always, hear everyone, listen to yourself.
Down to Birth
#383 | A Second Home Birth: Vocalizing, Instinct & Skilled Support
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Birth doula and mother of two Carson Meyer joins us to share the story of her second home birth and the very different emotions that came with approaching birth after such a positive first experience.
Carson talks about the anxiety she carried in the final weeks of pregnancy, the problem with predicting when labor will begin, and her persistent worry that her midwife might not make it to the birth. We also discuss what it means to feel safe enough to be completely uninhibited in labor, why some women are quiet while others are intensely vocal, and the connection between the jaw, throat, pelvic floor, and the sounds women instinctively make in birth.
Carson shares how she prepared her young daughter to be present during labor, what happened when things suddenly began moving much faster than expected, and why her concerns about having her midwife there ultimately proved significant.
This is a conversation about trusting birth without pretending it never requires help and about the difference a calm, skilled provider can make when it does.
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I'm Cynthia Overgard, birth educator, advocate for informed consent, and postpartum support specialist. And I'm Trisha Ludwig, certified nurse midwife and international board certified lactation consultant. And this is the Down To Birth Show. Childbirth is something we're made to do. But how do we have our safest and most satisfying experience in today's medical culture? Let's dispel the myths and get down to birth.
My name is Carson Meyer. I'm a birth doula, the author of a pregnancy and postpartum book called Growing Together. I'm a mother of two, and I have a skincare company called Seeing the Moon. And I'm also a nutrition consultant for pregnancy and postpartum. Really passionate about this work and excited to share my first story.
My first pregnancy was an absolute dream. I wrote a book about how wonderful being pregnant is, and that's what inspired Growing Together. And my second pregnancy was very different. I had a toddler. I physically felt so different in my body. I got so big, so fast, so uncomfortable, and just had a very different experience, especially in that last month when my midwife, for some reason, really felt I was going to give birth early. And we know, never, never make those predictions because we don't really ever know.
And they get in our heads.
I was really low, or my baby was really low, and she was just like, based on position, everything, I just don't think you're going to make it to your due date. And I was excited. I was like, okay, I can make it to this date, but I don't know if I can make it to the next. That date, of course, came and went, as I prepare all of my clients, all of my mamas, everyone in my book, to really not get set on a date.
My actual due date did approach, and similar to my first pregnancy, I just mentally had a really hard time. And again, I for years and years supported women saying, don't think about that day. Delete that day from your mind. Babies don't have a clock, a calendar. But it's so hard to live your own event.
Yeah, I think this is a great example of why it's so important to not get hung up on that, and why it's also important as the midwife or provider to not put those thoughts in mothers' heads, because the extra days that you went beyond the date that she sort of predicted were probably ten times harder.
Oh my gosh.
Than the days leading up to it, and only because that thought was planted in your brain. It always reminds me of when you set out to go for, like, you say, I'm going to go out and I'm going to run three miles today. You have three miles in your head, and then at mile two and a half, somebody says, you know what? Sorry, you got to go five.
Yeah. Like, had you set out to run five, you'd be fine. And even though I only went two days past my actual air-quotes due date, in my head, I was a month past my due date because of this make-believe date that she had given me.
Anyway, similar to my daughter, it was only two days I had to really wait, which is really not that long compared to many women who wait weeks. But yeah, I had just had it, and so I did a dance party in my living room, which is what I did with my daughter. That really, I think, shakes the baby out a little bit, but also really helped my mood shift and just get out of my head and surrender.
But I really felt like he was never going to come. It was a lot of Gwen Stefani, a lot of No Doubt, a lot of '90s. I call it like Black Flag, Sublime, all this music that was nostalgic for me, but also just like head-banging. I just had to get into that zone. It was great. That helped shift my mood.
I went on a walk with a friend who's a grandmother and has twins, so that always puts things in perspective when you're feeling big, somebody who carried twins.
Then that next night, I woke up around two in the morning. I was feeling those period-crampy sensations, which I had been having, but then I felt a little gush.
Something finally, because I feel like all month I was wiping and looking and being like, why is there nothing there? Every day, disappointed.
Every day. So funny. You go for your whole pregnancy not wanting to see blood down there, to one day just being like, bleed, please.
I woke up, ran to the bathroom. My mucus plug had come out. I was so excited, but I was like, will contractions start? What's going to happen?
And really, again, advice I give my clients is stay asleep, rest. If things haven't picked up yet, you don't know how long it's going to be. Let your partner sleep. You don't know what you're going to need from them later.
I was like, I'm going to let my husband sleep. He loves sleep, and we have a toddler too. And so I was like, he's going to need it. And then like 20 minutes looking at the clock, I'm like, fuck it. I'm waking him up. Sorry, can I say fuck on here?
Yeah, you're the one holding a baby in your arms.
Yes. So I was like, I'm waking him up. I'm too excited. And I also realized we wouldn't have a lot of time come sunrise when our daughter got up. It would just be full-on. Likely my contractions would pick up more by then, but I was like, we need to get food sorted. We need to get the tub sorted and get things figured out.
So I woke him up, and it was actually really sweet. This time we had in the middle of the night, it almost felt like a slumber party or something. You know, when you're up in the middle of the night and no one else is there.
Contractions started right away, and so he was doing the double hip squeeze while he was making oatmeal, so my daughter would have breakfast without him having to do too much. And we were getting things all set up, getting the birth kit out.
I remember, this is his favorite part. At one point he was doing the double hip squeeze, and for some reason my contractions were all in my legs. Have you guys experienced that? The thighs, the upper thighs, like the femurs.
You could feel it going down the femurs sort of thing?
It was like nothing was in my uterus. It was like my legs were just, like the muscles of the legs.
Yeah, like shot down, I think probably from the pelvic floor, pelvis, whatever. Just those ligaments, muscles.
So he was doing the hip squeeze, but I needed him to get in and massage, like unfreeze those legs. And I couldn't find the words during the contraction, and I just went, Brookstone's. And he's like, what are you talking about? Remember Brookstone's, the massagers?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. The massage company, or the gadget company that has massage chairs and massage—
Yeah. I was like, don't just—those are intense. Those are those, like, the nubs on the end. I have those, and they go really deep and hard if you let them.
So I was like, get in there, like a Brookstone's device. And so we were cracking up later because he was like, that was—
And then another time I was like, I need water. So he went to go get water. Next contraction's coming, and I'm like, it's coming. I need you. And he's like, I'm getting water. And I was like, when a contraction comes, you stop, drop, and massage.
Stop, drop, and return to me.
Yeah, and return to me. Which I was like, only a doula would have these really obnoxious little sayings, but he was loving it.
So we had that time in the night, and I was like, okay, things are intense, but you never know how much longer you're going to have.
We got things set up. I ended up having a few really big contractions that felt like I wanted my midwife there.
I had a lot of anxiety, like worry, through my pregnancy about my midwife not making it. She had a client a couple hours away who was kind of coming up neck and neck with me on the range, and I didn't have that the first time. The first time I was like, if she doesn't make it, I got this. I know birth, I trust birth. It'll be fine either way. And it was. That's the kind of birth I had the first time.
And so this time, I was really all the time asking her about it.
Go ahead.
Do you think that is because you had such a great first birth that you were in your head thinking, how can the second birth be the first? I feel like a lot of women feel that way. They have a good first birth experience, and then they're afraid they're not going to get lucky again, or they're going to—
Totally. Yes. I see more stress.
Yep.
Yeah, and you're like, okay, it makes you even more—you know, I remember the feeling after my first birth. Obviously being in birth and believing in birth and surrounding myself in it for so long, but then doing it, and you're like, wow, this really is magic. This really does work. I felt so empowered by that.
And then you get close to your second, and you're like, oh my gosh, yeah. Like that feeling. You're like, what if I don't have that again? Was I just lucky, or can I really trust this?
Exactly.
So that was coming up. He was bigger. I'm small. I'm five-one, and I talk about this a lot in my book, but I had a doctor, an OB, tell me when I was 16 that I would probably have to have a cesarean.
Because you're small and don't have hips.
Oh yeah, exactly. Which, you know, I felt amazing again after my first, being like, I did it. My husband and I were both born cesarean, so it felt like a relinking of the chain.
Sure.
To return to that.
Anyway, I knew he was bigger just because I could feel and I could see from the outside how much bigger I was this time. And yeah, I just had all those same doubts and fears of, can I do this?
But anyway, when you hear the rest of my birth story, you'll also know, I think, why I really wanted my midwife there, because I think a part of me knew that I needed her to.
Anyway, I was really nervous around that. I actually even had—and she worked solo—and so I called two other backups with her, which normally she doesn't do that, and I didn't feel the need to do that the first time. But I really felt like, I need someone there.
And I think having my daughter there too, I wanted—I actually loved your guys' podcast preparing for having a kid at the birth, and the importance of having somebody other than your partner.
Anyway, I called her after those few really, really big contractions, and I was just like, look, she's an hour away. I was like, maybe make your way over. They're big. And she's like, great, I'll be there in an hour.
And within that hour, we had done setting up. My daughter had woken up, and I was like, I got to get her back to sleep. My husband and I laid back down. I got in bed with my daughter with the hot water bottle and my peanut ball, and I texted my midwife. I was like, let yourself in. Door's unlocked, but we're kind of going back to bed.
I mean, I didn't go back to bed because I was in it, but it was nice to be in a dark room with my husband and baby asleep.
My daughter woke up around eight p.m.—or sorry, eight a.m.—and we went down to have breakfast. She was so prepared, baby, so prepared for birth. We had read every book about birth. We had acted it out. I got her a little birth pool for her dolls.
She must have been excited.
She was so excited. She was so sweet about it. I had no—she's very compassionate and very tender, so I was like, will this be too much for her?
My first birth, I was completely unhinged. I was just screaming at the top of my lungs the whole time. I bit my poor husband. The whole time I was just like, I'm dying.
What did you mean when you said you were screaming and I'm dying?
The last birth I attended as a doula while I was 20 weeks pregnant with my daughter, I remember it was the closest thing, I guess, to an orgasmic birth that I've ever witnessed. The mom just went, ahhh, and the baby came out.
And I remember being at that birth and whispering down to my unborn child, and I was like, that's what ours is going to be like. That's how it's done.
So when I gave birth the first time, I was kind of expecting that as a doula. I was like, I've seen it all. I know. I'm so prepared. And I was so prepared in so many ways, and I do think that's why I had such a wonderful birth. But oh my gosh, the sensation was, I'd say, really humbling for me.
But also, I'm the kind of person that if I stub my toe, I'm calling 911.
There you go.
So when I say that, I'm not exaggerating. I was screaming. You would not have walked into my birth and been like, that's a doula birthing. You'd have been like—I was screaming. I was like, get me to a hospital. I need my epidural.
Oh yeah, but that's my personality. So I don't want to scare people. I did it again, you guys. I went and had another unmedicated birth at home. It's the best high in the world.
But I don't know. I don't mind talking about it in that context.
I've definitely seen women this way in birth. It's not abnormal for sure. But it's always sort of funny when you come across as a really calm, peaceful, grounded person, and I have attended births with women like that who, day to day, when you're interacting with them, they are just like steady Betty, very chill personalities. And then in birth they are, as you put it, totally unhinged. You're like, who is this?
I'm personally an unhinged person, but I'm also not afraid to unleash the throat chakra. I don't feel the need to hold it in, and when I feel safe, like my husband, there's no one I feel safer with than my midwife. I felt like I could go there, and I actually think that's what I need to do.
It's not just about being vocal. That's an important part of it too. But it is exactly what you said. You need to go to the place emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually where you feel most authentic in birth, whatever that is. For some people, that's really calm and quiet, and for other people, that is really loud and aggressive.
And sometimes you have to rein it in just a little bit to try to direct energy slightly differently, because sometimes we can leak energy or lose energy in the wrong places in birth. And so a good midwife can help guide you in that.
But I think it's really important that women birth in the way that feels most authentic to them. And social media creates a little bit of a problem with that because women are constantly looking at these peaceful, quiet, calm, perfect births and thinking that when they birth differently from that, that they didn't do it right.
Yeah, and I'm so grateful also that my midwife was able to hold space for that without wanting to fix. And that's what I tell my clients all the time. Especially when I work with dads, I'm like, look, it is uncomfortable to watch the person you love be in that state if they're like me.
Well, because you can't do anything about it as the partner. You want to save them, rescue them, help them, support them, give birth for them. You can't do anything but be present. It's very uncomfortable for most people.
Yeah. And watching my midwife just keep that anchor, she wasn't like, oh, I'm sorry. No, she was just like, yeah. To allow me, but to contain, but also to let me spill over in every way.
Yeah.
Both births were very much like that. And looking back, it's almost comical how insane I go. But I really think it's what I need, and I think it's—you know, nothing makes me more present than birth. And I always say I'm so grateful for the intensity of the sensation because it does take away all the worry. You're already in free fall. There's nowhere else to go.
No, and there's nowhere for your mind to go.
Totally. I channel that through just that utter—I mean, and what's interesting too, my midwife's always like, the way that your muscles relax in birth, she's like, it's really amazing. You're able to just really relax.
And I think it's because I'm screaming, honestly, because I'm—that connection. I used to always, I think, misunderstand as a doula before giving birth. When I would have clients scream, I'd be like, okay, let's relax the throat, so our pelvic floor. And then I realized that actually the screaming was my way of doing that. I wasn't—you know, I was fully flowing, and through the vocal cords flowing, everything else would.
Yeah, and I'll just add that if you are doing that with a deep, low tone, that's where the relaxation is, unlike that high-pitched voice. Sometimes when people cry, their voices get really high. That's tension. So for those who are vocal, and I think most of us are, you always want to keep it on the low, deep side to every extent possible.
It's so effective. It's so magical to me. I used that word earlier, that the throat is so linked to the vagina, and the jaw is so linked to the pelvis. It's just fascinating. We can control relaxing one part of the body and know that we're relaxing another.
You can watch it shift in real time. You can have a woman who is feeling a little bit out of control, in a sense. She's feeling a little bit out of her body in the moment and has that really high-pitched scream. And then as you get her to direct it more into that low, guttural sound, you can actually see the contraction shift, and you can actually feel her—she will then respond completely differently to the contraction, especially during pushing. And you see the baby move down with that. It is remarkable how connected it is.
Yeah. I once had a client tell me that she wanted to have an epidural because she didn't want her baby coming into the world with screams, or for her baby to hear that in labor. And I remember hearing that and being like, wow, that's such an interesting interpretation.
But I really do think the releasing is powerful. And it's also, in context of, again, Cynthia, what you're saying, it's not because it's horror or terrible. It's because it's intense, and birth is big, and it's okay to meet it with that intensity and to show that.
And one thing I did in my first and second labor, and when I look back on my birth videos, I could hear myself doing it out loud, is I would scream and I would curse, and then in between contractions I would talk to my baby. I'd be like, you're doing so great! I love this! I got this! You're doing it! This is amazing! Thank you so much for working so hard with me!
Fuck!
And go back and forth.
Anyway, I'm glad that I was in an environment where I felt able to really release that.
I can appreciate where she's coming from, wanting to respect her baby's experience. But what she might like knowing is that it's her hormones the baby is going to experience. If the mother is feeling safe and relaxed, even if she's really, really vocal but feels safe, that baby is going to be born feeling safe.
It's no different from any other normal sound of nature that we don't even blink to. We're so accustomed to normal sounds, and that's something the baby understands anyway from all those months in pregnancy.
But the baby is inextricably linked to the mother based on what the mother is actually feeling and pumping through her body on an emotional level. So you can go ahead and be vocal. Anyone listening, you can be vocal. But what's wonderful is when the mother feels safe, because then the baby is born actually also feeling safe.
When the mother is feeling scared and stressed, babies are often born in a more stressed state. They calm down. They regulate. It's okay. But the baby tends to mirror the mother at birth.
Yeah. My midwife used to always say—my midwife, my personal midwife and my mentor midwife—used to often say to mothers, shh, quiet down. You're going to scare the baby.
But I don't think that she actually meant it as in your voice is going to scare the baby. I think what she meant is exactly what you said, Cynthia. And I believe that is what's true. If you are in that more fight-or-flight state, then your hormones are in more of that state. And what we want is to just kind of regroup and get yourself into that calm, connected feeling, which often correlates with the low sounds, even if they're very, very loud. And that's then reflected in the hormones in your body.
Yeah. I think too, as you know, birth is so messy and imperfect and perfect, but also imperfect in its way, and bloody, and poopy, and fluids, and all these things. And women have been conditioned for so long to just kind of be really put together, and to not scare people with their feelings, and let themselves be really loud.
Right.
And even, it's not her generation, but it's maybe something we're holding on through from our grandmothers. So I do think that the more comfortable, if you are that personality type, to get loud is actually really healing.
And I was like, I want my daughter to not be afraid of the magnitude of birth and also my power, which was loud.
Where was your daughter during that?
So anyway, for the first birth, that was more like that. The second with her, I was definitely vocalizing when we were having breakfast.
Long tangent, but returning back to, I guess, the birth story. I called my midwife. She had arrived. We came down for breakfast, and I was loud but still composed.
And I remember going into the bathroom, and I had a contraction when I sat on the toilet. She's having oatmeal outside the bathroom in the kitchen, and I made a big sound in the bathroom.
And I could hear from the bathroom, she turned to the midwife and said, my mama told me not to be scared, so I'm not scared.
And we had prepared so much for those sounds, and it was so sweet for her to—I could tell that was her also giving herself a little affirmation of like, okay, this is the thing, and I'm okay.
And then my midwife was giving me some double hip squeezes, and she got right in between the two of us and started squeezing my hips along with my midwife. She was feeding me oatmeal in between contractions.
And then I posted this video the other day. It was just the sweetest thing ever. Again, I was having a contraction, and she—this was actually right when I came down, so this was the first thing she did. She went and immediately got her doctor kit and started taking my blood pressure through the contraction, and then kind of pausing and being like, okay, maybe now's a good time to actually hold her hand.
You could see her little process where she was like, I have so much to do as the midwife, as the doula. And she was taking the blood pressure and then holding my hand, and just the sweetest little doula. I was so blown away by that innate nurturing love. It wasn't surprising at all, but it was just so beautiful to witness.
And then she gave me the wolf. Speaking of being loud, she went to her stuffies. Every little kid has all their pile of stuffies, and she pulled out the wolf and brought it to me to howl with.
Oh my gosh. Amazing!
I know. It's so sweet. And so it was just great.
And so now it's like nine-ish, and it was a Thursday morning, and she goes to a little preschool not far from us. And my husband and I were like, let's send her to school. I asked her, I was like, do you want to go to school? Do you want to stay here?
She loves school, so I knew there's nothing that she would rather do than go to school. And she's like, I'll go to school. And I was like, okay, the baby might be born before you get back, or I might still be in labor. And she's like, okay.
And my husband's like, I'll run her down really quick, like 10, 15 minutes away, and I'll be right back.
I was like, great. I'm going to get in the shower in the meantime.
So I said goodbye to them. I jumped in the shower with my midwife right by my side because my midwife also—you know, I didn't have a doula, but I knew she would do all of the double hip squeezes for me, and that hands-on care was really important for me.
He left around 9:30, and I'm in the shower, and I remember saying to my midwife—and I have curly hair—I said, can you pass me the conditioner? Right after a contraction.
I remember her looking at me like, you're washing, washing your hair in labor?
You have curly hair. You can't wet it and not condition it because then you just have a bunch of knots. And I'm like, I don't want to be getting a bunch of knots out postpartum.
So I conditioned my hair. Just enough time to condition between the next contraction. And then I was like, okay, I think I want to get in the tub.
We are on a well, so we can't waste water. I knew our hot water probably would go soon, and the shower felt so good. But I was like, let's get out of the shower, regroup, so we can get the tub filled before we run out of water.
And so she's like, great. So she set up a little pad on my bed because I was like—you know, I think she also knew I was farther than I thought. She kind of had the bed set up a little bit.
And I got out of the shower. And the second I got out of the shower, as you guys know, the shower can really transform things. I just fell to the floor with the next contraction, and I was like, okay, I'm pushing now.
And I crawled to the side of the bed and just was pushing. All of a sudden I was like, okay, now I'm pushing. My water hadn't broken yet. My water broke with a big gush, and I was crowning.
And my husband's still not home.
And again, not to scare everyone, but I'm just praying to God. I'm just like, oh my God. It's so intense, and I'm in it. And I was not worried at all about my husband making it home. I think, A, because you're in that present state of sensation that you have no fear. You're just like, I'm in it. He's going to make it, or he's not going to.
But also, I think a part of me deep down knew, he's going to make it.
And I was like, my midwife—you're not leaving my side. She had no gloves on, nothing. Everything was downstairs.
Right. Happens so fast.
And my husband walked in the door at 10 o'clock. We have it on the Ring cam.
I could hear him washing his hands because he had just been at the preschool coming in, and I just was like, what is he doing down there? Get up here!
And he walked up and was like, oh, okay, this is happening now.
And he caught my daughter, and he was such a special part of our birth, him catching her. And we had planned that this time, but he always says him and our midwife, they kind of speak subliminally. They have that connection. And I think he just understood right at that moment when he came in that that wasn't what it was going to be this birth.
And to kind of fast-forward, as I mentioned, I was really nervous about my midwife not making it. And I actually had one of our prenatals, I was like, will you explain to Jonathan, my husband, what would be done in the situation if there was a shoulder, and if you don't make it?
And I think he was just like, look, I'm here for this. I love our home births. I love catching babies. I can't do that. You know what I mean?
Which I was like, I know, I know. But I just really felt like I needed to talk through that with him.
And he was just like, no, she's got to be here. That is not a skill I can pull out of my hat. I can do a lot of things, not that one.
And I was like, okay, damn it. She's just got to be here.
And I'm pushing.
His head comes out. I'm on all fours, like I was with my daughter. And with my daughter, I just instinctively got into that runner's lunge, and so I did the same this time.
And had a contraction, pushed. She was like, okay, his head's out.
And then I don't know if I pushed another time. I can't remember. But I do remember when I wasn't having a contraction, in that sweet relief, she was like, and now push.
And I was like, I'm not having a contraction. And I knew she would never have rushed that, especially remembering my birth with my daughter. It was so slow and peaceful.
And she was like, yeah, he's ready though, so I need you to give me a little push.
And that was all she said, and I knew. I was like, okay, his shoulder's stuck, or something's going on. Again, I knew she wouldn't have rushed that.
And she freed his arm. She went in, I guess she went in for one shoulder, couldn't—or one arm, couldn't find it—and then went in for the other and freed his arm, and he came out.
But she later told me he had a double cord wrap, which made it—he was just turning purple. So I think he didn't like his—
She didn't like his color when his head came out, maybe.
Yeah. I think the combination of the two, right? The cord with the shoulder. And then he only came out to his chin, and then didn't keep coming out the next time.
But he came out quickly, or easily. It seemed easy to me. And she did it so gracefully. And he started to get his color right away.
But she couldn't unwrap that cord because it was so tight and double-wrapped on the perineum, and because he wasn't really giving much neck length.
So yeah, she ended up being—anyway, it all made sense. I was like, that's why I needed you to be there, because that's where the midwife wisdom and brilliance, and what you guys do, and just your skills, made for such a peaceful and amazing experience, even with that little blip.
And I was writing about it on my Substack, and it really wasn't scary.
And so, Cynthia, to your point, shoulder dystocia can sound so scary, and obviously sometimes really can be. And same with, we know with the cord, there's a lot of unnecessary hysteria around that, and it's so common.
But it was really beautiful to experience things that are textbook complications, right? But that just were flowing with the right support and in a setting that was really trusting and safe. Nothing felt scary.
That's exactly the beauty of having a skilled, calm person at your birth in a safe environment, so that your experience of a complication of childbirth could be experienced in a way that wasn't traumatizing and wasn't made worse by interventions that may have been too aggressive or disruptive.
Yeah. And she was so steady the whole time. We never felt fear in her, and confident in her skills. I was so grateful for that and what she brought into the birth in every way, but especially that steadiness.
And I remember asking my husband, I was like, were you scared? Because I know he knew. He's seen less birth than I have, obviously, but it was different than with my daughter.
And he was like, I just felt our midwife's steadiness, and she really leads the way in that, and it felt really grounding. And so he's like, I wasn't.
And, well, she knew exactly what to do in that moment in a way that was going to support you best and support your physiology and get the baby out fastest.
You know, that's the kind of scenario where sometimes if there is an unattended birth, where a birth outcome isn't going to be so great, or that exact experience in a hospital could have resulted in something more dramatic, like forceps or vacuum, or in rare cases, but sometimes happens, emergency C-sections.
And I think that people like to sensationalize birth on both sides of the aisle, right? We have the hospital birth—you know, home birth is reckless. People who would be like, that's so dangerous. And then the free birthers who are like, she should have just let it be. It would have resolved itself.
And no one actually could ever really know. Every birth is different. We say births are like snowflakes, right? No two are the same. So we can never really say what would have happened if it was at the hospital, or if she never made it in time, or if it was a free birth.
But yeah, what I do know is exactly what you said, right? For me, in that situation, it just felt like the ultimate support to have.
I just loved having that support there.
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